Spring 2016 The Power of Now: Aha Moment #17 The Picture Coming into view

“Do you have the total picture? There have been many people whom limitation, failure, loss, illness, or pain in whatever form turned out to be their greatest teacher.
It taught them to let go of false self images and superficial ego dictated goals and desires. It gave them depth, humility, and compassion: it made them more real.” - Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Reflecting on a Low Point

In 2008 I lived my fears for a mediocre life that I settled for. It was everything  I had always been afraid of. I was only 3 years removed from college and it felt like that entire experience had been a cruel joke.

Here I had gone away to expand my view of life and see the more out of life. I had actually started to believe that I wasn't going to end up with the failed life I had always dreaded. Then I come back home and people expected me to be the same as I was when I left.  They wanted me to fit back into the life they had expected for me to have:  mediocre.   The reason I wanted to go away was so that I didn't have to be the same. The reason I went away was so that I could live a different life.  I could not be the same and I had witnessed glimpses of the life I wanted to lead:  Impactful, adventurous, risky, and successful.

Yet when you're in a confused state of what used to was versus what is it can be scary and trying. Before I decided to live my fears I was on the upswing I was doing well at work, I lived on my own, I had gone to Europe which was one of my major goals and I was in line for a promotion at work.

Then I heard the voice of doubt and fear that stops most of us in our tracks

You will not be successful

You will end up just like the people you've always seen in your life

Who are you to think you can be with a man who is successful, handsome, and great. You are going to end up with someone that's not that smart, has a poor work ethic, and will not help you grow.

You will be stuck going to this church which you don't believe in and this religion which kills your soul because there how you were raised and there's no going back

You're going to live the life you always feared

So I listened. I believed. I did it for six months and then woke up one day and said:

What the hell am I doing?

It was a definite low point in my life and I'm more than grateful for it.

After that I enrolled in school, started attending charismatic church where I encountered the Lord for the first time and understood my calling, gained faith, started training again and began to walk this sacred journey in earnest.

It was amazing.

Our low points aren't necessarily meant to take us out. They are meant to teach us something and to wake us up our of our comfort zone. If you are open to growth and development then It continues to happen.

See the Picture becoming more clear

“It taught them to let go of false self images and superficial ego dictated goals and desires. It gave them depth, humility, and compassion: it made them more real.”

2 years ago I went on this quest about physical perfection, thinking that if I looked a certain way and had certain accomplishments by my name then I would be enough.

Even now as I battle back from the damage that quest caused with a nearly 25 pound weight gain from where I started, I am thankful that my false ideas about not being enough were shot down by that experience.

It helped me to let go of these ego driven goals and focus on my calling. Superficial and shallow quests will only attract those types of folks into your life. To build an identity and life around superficial criteria like how you look, titles, and accomplishment will only attract those types of people into your life and you will have a shallow life.

I can say they experience led me to research women, dieting, our relationships with food, and to study women's empowerment on a different level.

It's also made me more compassionate towards my clients and other people who struggle with food: I know it's not just about meal plans and Exercise but mindset and how people feel about themselves. It's helped me to study more and give a voice in my industry to people who are sick of the shallow and vapid approaches used by the fitness industry.

It may seem silly to some but I had a huge turning point last year when I saw exactly the type of man I should marry put right in front of me. It gave me the hope and patience to say: uh yeah I'm waiting for this! Let me put in that work!  If this is the type of man we are waiting for, then I AM ALL IN”   I never would have thought I was enough for someone like that even 2 years ago.

It showed me that who am I to believe I deserve less? Why would I think this? I don't need to settle for the get by option. I can and will do better because that's the life I've been called to live

the whole picture..in 2008 I would have told you my life was over. It was  all bad and no going back. I had squandered my chances. Now I tell you it's still unfolding and we haven't even gotten Warmed up yet.

Two years ago I said that I was like the blind man Jesus healed.  He told Jesus he could see but it was fuzzy like trees walking around and then as Jesus restored his sight fully, he was able to see EVERYTHING.  I still feel like things are fuzzy but it’s getting more and more clear as I continue on and don’t give up.

It’s a wonderful thing to be able to see how certain aspects of life tie together and the picture comes into full view.