Proverbs 31 OBS: The Husband Project 3 Things I learned during Prep Week

As I said I have learned so much during this Prep Week and I would like to share 3 of those things I have learned if you want to have a successful marriage.

You have to Give Up the Excuses

You have to Be Intentional 

Much of this goes back to our own attitudes

Give Up the Excuses

Excuses are why people never develop and Get it Done. I am really vigilant against excuses because it's why people fail. They make excuses for EVERYTHING. I talk about this with my Health and Fitness Coaching and also with personal development.  People who make excuses don’t make it.  

This week I learned that this is even true for marriage.  You cannot make excuses about why you’re not going to put work into your marriage.  You can’t make excuses for not having time, being petty, or any of that.  You’ve just got to GET IT DONE without excuses.

I would never have thought of that.  I would have been busy justifying WHY I wasn’t putting in that work!

Bad Attitude Check: This Seems like a lot of work....

We haven't started the actual 21 days of projects yet and it is just the prep week. All i can think is: “This seems like a lot of work.” Planning ahead, getting creative, and doing these projects in addition to your everyday tasks.

Yikes. This is kind of a foreign concept to me.

I  don't know what it's like to be with someone who I would go the extra mile for. I've just never cared enough

So when she's talking about planning ahead, ordering items, and all of this my first thought goes to: This is a lot of work.

This is not the right attitude

I think this is why it is important for me not to settle for a get by/right now  type of option. Otherwise I just will not care or love him enough and it will show. If the relationship is part of my calling, had purpose, and a strong why we are together then I will be more apt to go through the extra mile.

You have to be intentional

From what I'm gathering, great marriages don't just happen. You have to be intentional about honoring and loving your husband. I think you're supposed to do this even when he's getting on your nerves or irritating you.

You see all of this should be common sense but I didn't grow up with this. I didn't see this so while it may sound like  common sense this is something I have to be aware of and take Action on.

Even the concept of honoring your husband is off my radar. I started thinking: Well what about me? When am I going to be honored if I spend my time honoring him

Much of this goes back to our own attitudes

Kathi tells the story of a woman who dubbed herself “Suzy Homemaker” and had dinner ready for her husband every night. The woman suddenly realized something when asked to dig deeper for her motives.

Sherry hasn’t changed her actions, but after examining her motives she’s being more intentional about meeting her husband’s needs instead of her own expectations. No matter what we do, or how we do it, our attitudes always overshadow our actions

I thought this was convicting because I could see myself doing that too. I would be doing things for the applause or to keep up my image as a high performing wife not because I actually wanted to be a blessing.

Once again it comes back to it being all about me. The first step to change is awareness.

Growing up and even as an adult, I would always hear women complain and berate their husbands about what they were not doing right.  Yet looking back on it these women weren't exactly prizes themselves and they were miserable to be around for an hour.  Imagine how their husbands felt!

Listening to them constantly bash their husbands,’I would always think there's something wrong with men that they cannot act right but if we are honest, the men were only responding to what they were given.

Reading this first section, I'm learning that much of it has to do with our own perspectives and attitudes toward ourselves and toward our partners.

If I'm miserable and not fulfilled in my own life then of course I'm going to unload and berate my husband because  my life sucks and he's a constant in my life so clearly he is part of the problem.

I saw a lot of women like this growing up which is why I think I was adamant about not getting married early on. I think it's so important to be fulfilled on your own and not look outside of yourself for salvation. We should not look to marriage for salvation.

At this point of my life I am leading a high performance  life. I am: serving my clients,  developing my business and brand, being mentored by top people in my industry, working on personal development, and working towards my big dreams. My life is fulfilling. I am not looking for someone to save me from myself and my boring life. I don't need seat fillers in my

Life because I don't think I am enough. I consider that stuff a waste of time because the second he's not my salvation anymore, it's over and we are back to the  men are useless conversation

My point is that if I am fulfilled and living a high performing life, I would also be focused on being a high performing partner. I'm not with a seat filler who I'm looking to for fulfillment ,I'm with someone I want to invest in because that's what a high performer does. She invests not expecting an immediate payoff but knowing that with consistency it will pay off in the long run.