Uninvited Bible Study: Week 1 Online Journal
I've decided that with this Bible study instead of keeping a private journal that I will do my Bible study journal on this blog. This is SUCH a sensitive topic for me and an area of my life that I think needs to be dealt with. I believe a lot of women struggle with this issue so I want to be transparent and perhaps someone else on their journey.
Observe: Do you tend to struggle most with believing lies about you, others or God?
I struggle with believing lies about myself. The core message of rejection is that you are not enough and/or you are not good enough. I believe the lies and whispers that have lingered since childhood and the labels that some have tried to put on me. I still struggle with it at times even though I KNOW that it is not true and even though I have stomped all over the devil and have victory without even saying a word.
I have to remind myself that I am enough. I am loved unconditionally by God and I do not need the approval of other people. The only approval I need is that of God.
Bible Verse of the Week
The Bible verse that really resonated with me this week has been Isaiah 26:3-4. It's the scripture that I think really sums up where my head is right now. This isn't where I envisioned my life five years ago and in some ways I could get frustrated if I was to start overanalyzing and wanting something to fix.
However all I can keep saying is that The Lord is with me. He shall not fail. So many times we think we have it all figured out. We have all the answers. After this past spring when things really got interesting, I just thought you know/./who even knows what God has planned? I think I will just wait and see.
You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Personal Reflection on Rejection
This rejection happened about 15 years ago and I think the reason it stands is because it confirmed some of the things that I believed about myself and what others had labeled me. I will never forget the person said: You are not better than anyone.
Hmmm. At that point and time in my life I was just starting to believe that I was better than what I had been and this was crushing. Had I known better, I would have moved on and said "Whatever". Instead I internalized it as "not being good enough. Never being good enough" and I became determined to make myself into someone who was good enough. I wanted to FIX myself into becoming enough.
What's also funny is that I realized a few weeks ago that my senseless pursuit of Brother Bad News was my trying to make up for that incident 15 years ago. There was even a physical resemblance. I had internalized that rejection 15 years ago and was now trying to use someone else to prove that I was enough.
At that time, nobody let me know that someone who would say such things is not worth my time and that some people want to make sure that you don't think too highly of yourself. I think that rejection really helped to solidify the walls that I put up and to never allow myself to be ALL IN with someone because they all they want to do is tear you down.
I believe that I want to be that person who tells women this so they don't have to waste their time like I did.
- What's the line of rejection? You're unwanted. You aren't better than anyone else
- What label has resulted? You shouldn't try for what you want or think you're deserving of what you want.
- What lie(s) have surfaced? You aren't good enough. You need to prove to others that you are good enough, don't be too much, minimize yourself so folks don't think that you think you're too highly of yourself, Fix yo self so that you will be enough, Don't trust people because they just want to hurt your feelings
- Has a liability occurred in how you think about yourself or interact in relationships? Oh yes. I have such a negative outlook on men and relationships. It seems like such a waste of time to me because I think the ultimate outcome will be like what happened in my sense of rejection: You will be left at the end of the day because someone will tell you that you're not enough. I have built walls up and believe in manipulation so that I am not hurt. This has to change if I am going to live the dynamic life that I believe God has for me!
Treasure of this week: Living Loved
When you Live Loved, you live as though you have a future. You believe that it's not just about you but about those that will come after you and that you will join your journey later on.
When you Live Unloved you don't think you have a future. You don't believe anyone cares so you put forth no effort and you make reckless decisions.
When you live Live Loved you don't seek approval and love from other people because you know that you are loved unconditionally and that you don't need to earn LOVE from God. His Love is MORE than the fickle approval of others.
When you live as a person who is unloved you will do ANYTHING for approval and to get scraps of attention and what you perceive to be love from other people
When you Live Loved, you're not dependent upon other people to make you feel good about yourself or wanted. You already have that within and you know that your voids cannot be filled by people, accomplishments, or stuff. It can only be filled with God's Love.
When you Live Unloved you try to fix yourself to be what society says is worthy of love. You focus on accomplishments, status, titles, money, relationships and materialism to give you the requirements for love and as we always see those things can be taken at the drop of a hat and will fall in the sea if not based upon a solid foundation.
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