P31 OBS Uninvited Week 4: It is okay to acknowledge Rejection can make you bitter..

Feeling rejected or being rejected by people can make you bitter and also cynical...

I know this first hand because I was thinking about this just today.  Sometimes when I hear about people from a former life that I have soon tried to forget. 

I start thinking about how mean someone was to me and then I start comparing myself to them and become smug about how much better my life turned out to be.

Sigh

The Consequences of Rejection

Turns us Sour

Rejection makes us feel, "Not Good Enough".  In some cases people will actually tell us that we are not good enough.  If you get told that enough times, then you will start to believe that.  You begin to believe you're not good enough and everything is starting to be seen through the lenses of not good enough and your whole outlook turns sour.  

A sour outlook and perspective will taint EVERYTHING in your life.  When you're negative and sour it tends to be a self fulfilling prophecy that life sucks...and nobody likes to be around that type of person.

Cultivates a Spirit of Revenge

I struggle with this.  Often times I like to hear negative reports on people who I felt mistreated me in my life.  I want to hear about how they aren't thriving in life because it makes me feel I've gotten revenge in some way.

The truth is that it has nothing to do with me at all.  People who are bullies and are hurtful to others act that way because they are hurt.  They want to feel like they're doing something so putting other people down may be their own outlet for that.

I should not be rejoicing in other people's misery.  Schadenfreude is completely unnecessary and if we are truly our leader Jesus Christ, then we will extend grace to that person.  Maybe we'll recognize that they were hurting and didn't know any other way to express themselves.

I'm nowhere near this point just yet but I'm willing to admit it and go through personal development to get there.

Teaches you to believe the worst about people

Ding Ding Ding....This is the winner for me and my issues with relationships.

"Rejection" over the years has turned me cynical.  I believe people are solely motivated by their own self interest and  selfish ambition.  I admittedly look at life like that because I believe that the only way to protect yourself against people like that is to be that way too.

I haven't felt accepted and loved by anyone in a romantic sense so I don't believe it exists for me.  I'm cynical.  I don't see it happening, it hasn't happened to me, and so I've come to the conclusion that self preservation is the way to go.

I do believe the worst about people when it comes to 90% of personal relationships because of the "rejections" that I've faced over the years.  

Cultivates and Nurtures the Fruit of Bitterness

All of the things that we've mentioned so far help to cultivate and nurture the seeds of bitterness in our lives.

Rita Moreno: "Resentment Rots the Bones"

When you're sour, vengeful, and believe the worst about people you will become angry and bitter.

I was at a conference several years where I saw 80 year old Rita Moreno shake her groove thang across the stage, she addressed why she's so vibrant and full of life.  

She answered: I let go of all resentment and bitterness.  Resentment rots the bones

She's right.  The people I know who have held on to resentments and have turned bitter in life are not only physically ill but they're also not thriving and full of life.  They sit at home feeling sorry for themselves as my Grandma likes to say.

Bitterness prevents you from having deep and meaningful relationships with people and it prevents you from seeing the blessings in your life.  It keeps you alone and isolated.  I truly believe there is a physical response for people who hold on to grudges.

What Can We Do

Change our Perspectives

We can change our perspectives.  I have shared about how now I see that all of that "rejection" I thought that I have experienced over the years have actually been "acts of mercy".  I also believe that I have not just been set aside which is what I thought was going on but now I believe I have been set apart.

Bless Those and Extend Grace to people who have hurt us

It's hard I know but many people are just doing the best that they know how to do.  They've been hurt. They've been rejected and they need grace.

It's tough.  I know.  We want to stomp on people's graves and say "Haha!!" but that's not the spirit of our leader Jesus Christ.  We should keep this scripture in mind.

We can ALL stand to do better.  Let us heed these wise words!