Rant Part 2: Single Christian Women Scam - Teach Women that they are not enough

The more I started thinking about the marketing to Single Christian Women, the more annoyed I became.  I have noticed a lot of parallels between diet pushers and churches/ministries marketing to the single ladies market.

For one thing, the entire message revolves around women NOT being enough, fixing themselves so that they will be enough, and the false promise that their biggest issues will go away if they lose weight or get married.

There are several questions I have about the marketing to single Christian women

1.  Why aren't men marketed to in the same manner?
2.  What are the men doing while these women are fixing themselves?
3.  What are you telling women who follow these rules and steps but still end up single on the pews?
4.  Truly what is the end goal for these ministries?

Why aren't the men marketed to in the same manner?

I have never seen a: Wait for your Ruth T-shirt or sermon marketed by these ministries.  I haven't seen these ministries market to men and tell them that they need to learn to become leaders.  

I also see that the burden of leadership falls to the women in the case of these ministries.  It becomes about women submitting to husbands rather than men learning to become confident and secure leaders who do not need to control women in order to feel like they are the head of the household.

I would love to know why the men are not told to Wait for their Ruth.  I would love to know why the men are not told to become confident and secure within themselves so they can lead a family without resorting to control tactics all under the guise of their submission.

Men are also not made to feel as if something is wrong with them if they are not married.  It's accepted that he hasn't found the right one yet or maybe he enjoys being a bachelor.  Women are rarely granted this type of grace.

What are the men doing while the women are fixing themselves?

If these single women in church are supposed to be fixing themselves in anticipation of their intended, then what are the men doing during this time?  Are the men engaging in personal development.  I haven't heard many men being told that they need to lose weight, get better haircuts, dress nicely, do a quiet time every day, come to all the church functions, etc. if they want to find a wife.

There are so few men in these places that I believe these ministries assume men  can just can show up and not have to put in any work.  My question though is:  While these women are doing all of these things, what are the men doing? Why aren't they being told to do any of these things?

What do you tell the women who have done all these things and still end up solo on the pews?

I remember reading in the book about Quitting Church that one woman said that she felt she had done something wrong and God was punishing her because she was into her 40's and never married.  She eventually stopped going to church because she figured she was a lost cause and that something was definitely wrong with her because she had never married.

I, too, remember feeling like:  "What am I doing wrong?" when I was doing all of these things and still not getting anywhere.

First of all:  One of my biggest pet peeves is legalism.  It is such false doctrine and I cannot stand it.  I grew up in a legalistic belief system and it's terrible.   People aren't motivated by the glory of God or the Love of God. They are motivated by appearances, traditions, and fear.  This is not the way to go.

We should not teach people that if they do a daily quiet time, come to every church event, etc that they will find a husband.  That shouldn't even be the motivation behind it!  Their motivation should be to seek the Lord and what he wants to do with their lives.

Call me crazy but I bet if a lot of women got up off of the pews and started asking God what He wanted them to do with their lives, they would be surprised.  Maybe they would find their husbands or their journeys or maybe they wouldn't.  Maybe they would be so fulfilled at what God was asking them to do that it wouldn't be on their main list of priorities anymore.

What do these ministries tell women who have done all the right things they tell them and still end up alone?  There aren't that many single available men at church.  This is a fact.  So what then?  

These women will eventually internalize their lack of companionship as not being good enough or God being angry with them rather than the fact that there really is more to the single woman's story than simply  getting a husband.

Also these theories aren't holding up.  We have seen very public and very Christian men not choose women who are the virgin "Praise the Lord" women on the pews but women with pasts.  

The church lies and tells chicks to stay pure and virginal so they will get good husbands.  Well then how come those men did not choose the women who did a,b,c,d,e,f,g like the church said?  Maybe because it's just not that simple.

I would like to see a different narrative other than Christian Captain Save a Ho to the rescue.  Maybe I will be the one to tell that story.

What is the end goal?

I've wondered this for a long time.  

What is the end goal with these ministries?  They aren't like some Christian cultures where they assume everyone is to be married unless God has told them otherwise so they help people find spouses.

What is the end goal?  To promote healthy functioning singles?  That's not happening.  

Is the end goal to get thriving marriages going for the Glory of God?  Not a lot of that either.  

Or is the end goal to make money off of people's pain?

This is personal for me

I am a single woman who is over the age of 30.  

I really am very disturbed at what I am seeing.  Either we are being told that we need to do all these things in order to get a husband or we can follow the world's lead and say:  "Well it's all for naught anyway so don't even bother.  Just do you  and sleep with everyone or the worst Just settle because it's better than being alone."

Settling will NEVER be better than being alone.  You can settle and still be alone.

This is personal for me because I want women to live their best lives.  I want to see them thrive.  I want them to have self belief, self worth, and confidence to do what God has called them to do.  I don't want them trying to get checkmarks so that they can get a husband.

A relationship is work! You won't be fixed because you got married.  Ask many of the women with shattered dreams who put their stock in that.

My own Personal Mission

More than anything...this is my own personal mission for women to see that they are enough!