Summer School 2016 Course: Relationships 101 - Attitude Change

Earlier this Summer I did the Husband Project Bible Study through the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study Ministries because I wanted to see what you're supposed to do in a healthy, functioning, God centered marriage. (It's chronicled here on the blog...just click the section)

That study  showed me several things:

• As it currently stands, I am not marriage material.  
• I am way too focused on self preservation
• I need to do more personal development when it comes to relationships
• I know that my attitude is terrible and I need to get my mind right
• I do have a burning desire to change

School is in Session: The New I Do

To get my mind right, I decided to start learning more about the dynamics of Marriage. One year ago a friend gave me the book The New I do which is a great book to help you gain more insight on marriage by presenting different models. This book cites different types of marriages such as open marriages. Financial safety marriages, parenting marriages, covenant marriages just to name a few. If you're single, then I recommend reading this book so you can get an idea of what you expect from marriage.

This book is pretty radical and I did not not agree with all of what's being said but I think it gives a realistic view of marriage and cuts the crap on the happily ever after nonsense.

When you get right down to it, Marriage is after all a legal contract and a financial partnership. Since I am over the age of 30, I am more realistic about marriage and I am not looking for fairy tales or a big party.

Most of these relationship books peddle garbage to single women.  Those books are all about what women are doing wrong and how to fix yourself so a man will want you. They rarely talk about understanding the dynamics of healthy relationships. Those books don't talk about how men AND women need to change their hearts and minds to have healthy relationships.

I believe that women and men who want to be married should become aware of their own perspectives, learn about male/female dynamics, and be realistic about what marriage actually is.

Lessons from Delilah

For instance I learned in TD Jakes  Book woman thou art loosed about the example of Delilah.

In the book, TD jakes said that Delilah is normally portrayed as some seductress and woman of the night but that's never mentioned in that story. (Misogynistic bias much?) What IS mentioned is that she was able to give Samson a place to rest his head. Powerful and successful Samson was undone by the woman Who gave him a place to lay his head.

The Lesson?  Women who are married to powerful and accomplished men must create an atmosphere of peace and rest for their husband. He does enough fighting and carrying on in the streets. He doesn't need that at home. So you can use the lesson from Delilah for good or for evil which is what happens most of the time.

In Woman Thou Art Loosed I also learned more about communication styles. Jakes teaches that women are more vocal while men tend to communicate through touch.

It's these types of little things I had no clue of because I wasn't raised in a home where I saw a healthy marriage or how to be a healthy functioning human being . That was not an excuse for me to keep the dysfunction going. It was motivation to stop it.

The Burning Desire to Change

My attitude regarding interpersonal relationship was terrible and I knew it. I just didn't see the purpose since most relationships I knew ended with people in the miry pit and on the way down.

I knew I needed to dig deep and continue to engage in personal development so I could allow God to transform me by renewing my mind.

Even though I have given up on trying to predict the future, I believed there was some reason that I had such a burning desire to change my attitude and my perspective. If I wanted to keep my life the way it is, I would not be on this quest for change. I would just be talking about what's wrong with everyone else. Instead I recognize that this desire to change is coming from someplace

Glimpses and previews

I firmly believe God gives us glimpses and examples to keep us encouraged to not give up.

“Well Lord you seemed to know what I would enjoy with that lovely chocolate delight preview we saw the previous year so with that in mind I will just continue on pressing towards the mark and let you continue to renew my mind.

I think I may have mentioned it before but the chocolate delight preview that I have witnessed was over six feet tall, with the most lovely chocolate skin, and beautiful teeth, and an amazing voice.

I was so encouraged. I thought:

“well you know what if that's what we are waiting for then Lord help me to hold out!! “

And even better is that I acted RIGHT. That was growth right there because it was straight off of the vision board.

Please refer to the photo on the right to see a visual illustration of what I'm talking about. This is not the actual glimpse. This is along the lines of the glimpse of our future glory...so this present suffering. Whatever. I'll wait.

I knew that my attitude needed to be delivered because if the lord saw fit to bring one like he showed me in 2015 and what we see here, then I wouldn't run him away due to my terrible attitude and negative perspective on relationships.

So here’s to more learning and growing and perspective/attitude change!