P31OBS: 5 Habits....Habit 4 She Gives Others What she needs

This Habit has turned into a therapy session for me.  The first thing I asked myself was:  What do I need?  I came up with 3 things that I need.

• Affirmation
• Loyalty
• Patience

I need these three things in my life and as I started to think about it, I realized how hard it is for me to give these three things to others. I'm so used to being disappointed and let down by people that I've built up a wall around myself and it's hard for me to be vulnerable. 

 For me to affirm someone else I would have to be vulnerable because I may not get it back.  Loyalty is hard because I have trust and abandonment issues.  I've never felt that people were there for me when I really needed them whether it be emotionally or otherwise.  

Patience...I KNOW I'm not the most patient person in the world but I often need people to be patient with me as I take small steps forward.

Who wants to give when they may not be getting?

In this culture we are taught to get before we give.  Our society tells us we should be getting before we give to others.  That's not how it is SUPPOSED to work.

Our scripture for this week says (Luke 6:38)

For if you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use to give—large or small—will be used to measure what is given back to you.”

So what the AMOUNT we GIVE is what we are going to get.  I remember a preacher once saying that people like to use that for tithing and money but it also applies to life:  Both GOOD and BAD.   

He made a point to emphasize that it happens this way both GOOD and BAD.  For instance: So many times people wonder why they have horrible relationships with their children and they blame the children for it but they forget how they gave nothing but negativity, toxic words, and treated their children poorly and their children give that back to them.  It isn't like it comes out of thin air.

Similarly in relationships we may be inconsiderate of other people's feelings, waste their time, treat them like objects, and then we wonder why we aren't getting that type of deep affirming love based on who we are as human beings that we crave.

This is a tough one for me to admit and acknowledge.  I want to be loved ENOUGH.  I want to be affirmed and supported emotionally because I don't want to do life alone.  That's hard for me to admit because for so long I've kept up this wall and was convinced that I could do it better by myself because it wasn't like I had a lot of great role models in my life on this front.  Most relationships I saw was one person dragging the other one down.  I didn't see the point of getting in a relationship to both end up in the miry pit.

However my heart has started to change.  Over the past few years, my eyes have been opened to what can happen when you connect with a God ordained partner.  I've seen the power of a union that's blessed, anointed, and joined together by God.  I've seen relationships that have done nothing but uplift both people.  That's what I want and that's much better than doing it alone.

Here Waiting On You....

Another important point this week was not rushing ahead because we are too impatient.  What does that have to do with quitting?  I think it has a lot to do with quitting.  Most people give up on waiting because it's taking too long and they have Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).  

How many people decide to stop waiting for what God has for them and decide to answer their own prayers because they don't want to miss out on what they think they are supposed to do.  Lots of people do this with marriage.  They decide it's taking far too long to find someone, so they quit their refining process and decide to settle for someone because they fear if they wait too long then it won't happen.  For women my age, we start worrying about missing out on being a Mommy and then instead of continuing our process of refinement to be the wives and Mothers God has called us to be, we just settle for someone because we're worried it won't happen.

Of course we know how many of these stories end when we don't wait on God.

I've learned my lesson.  I'm done chasing after my wants.  I don't care how chocolate and treatyoself the guy looks, I'm not doing it.  I'm not chasing after my wants because it's a distraction from what I'm supposed to be doing in this season and it really doesn't lead to where I need to go.

It's settling.

If I've learned anything in the past few weeks it's that you don't know WHAT God is doing.  While you're ready to give up because NOTHING is happening, you have no clue that EVERYTHING is happening on the other side of the mountain.  

One of the first promises on this journey was that:

On the Mountain of the Lord it shall be provided

To God be the Glory