Church Refugees: Judgment by Community

Community without conversation, an equal exchange of ideas, is simply impossible.

It's been pretty clear at some of the churches I've been involved with that if you don't go along with the company line you will not be promoted and you will be judged harshly for it.

I don't see how this is productive or allows people to grow.  Talking about the tough things allows for growth and deeper exploration of some of the theological issues that people have questions about.

Someone I talked to who quit church because she told the leaders of her church that wanted to discuss some serious theological questions she had along with addressing social justice issues that were happening in the real world Well they told her they didn't want to talk about that and so she left because she felt that there was no point to staying.

How much stronger would churches be if there were honest conversations amongst members? If people were allowed to share without fear of retaliation and not looking like perfect Christians, then what would churches look like? If churches were more like support groups, then I think it could become a very healthy environment especially when we add in the energizing element of the Holy Spirit.

On Being Judgmental:  I was too!

Church refugees also points out how many people become more judgmental in church because by doing so it brings them in close alignment with the group’s professed beliefs. In other words, you feel like a better Christian when you're judging and criticizing others.

A woman named Olivia in the book said this

I think one of the biggest reasons I feel I'm never going to go back to the church is because I was so judgmental. I judged my parents, all of my friends, everyone: I could never do that again because it feels terrible. I can't believe I did that to people.

In church I felt that most people, (including myself) were judgmental and spent far too much time talking about what others were doing. Because church is  not a place where people can be honest, it becomes a place of secrets and people discuss the secrets and judge people for it.  can remember many Sundays after church dissecting and discussing other people's stories and lives. It wasn't right but we did it.

I will admit that I was unhappy at the time and unhappy people tend to talk about what others are doing wrong instead of developing themselves.

Many people in church  have lots of deep seeded issues and they hide behind “church bravado”: They quote endless scriptures, say the company lines, deny it’s happening, fight to keep up appearances, sweep matters under the ug, etc.  You cannot heal what you won’t acknowledge.  If you want deliverance and healing, then you must first confess it to God, lay it on the altar, and accept his forgiveness and grace.  You cannot receive deliverance and healing by blaming the devil, pretending you’re okay when you’re falling apart, or giving church answers.  

If you really want deliverance and healing, then you must surrender it ALL to God. You must also begin to pray for and seek out people who are going to uplift you on your journey. Say Goodbye to the Soul Suckers!

Isn’t that what we all want?  We all people to walk with us on our journey and tell us it’s gonna be alright. We want folks to cheer us on and remind us that we can rise up and move on with our lives.  We want someone to say, “Even though you messed up REAL BAD (Bad English there on purpose) God’s grace be upon you and his new mercies shall fall upon you every morning. This will work out for your good."

I don’t think that’s happening in most churches.  We have the oblivious crowd, the judgmental crowd, and the confused crowd.  We need the, “Committed to God Refinement and Personal Development by his Grace crowd”