Leaving Sundays: Ebony Exodus - Negative and Lack of Thinking in Church

Where is the money going?

Where is the money going? As an entrepreneur I've wondered this myself. I think it's going to the church to keep it going.

Stephanie said this: “The black community, as far as finances, is the lowest on the totem pole. We have to take what money we have and give it to the church but nothing is happening. What are they doing with that money?”

Personally I decided to take my money and donate it to organizations that are taking ACTION on issues that I care about: women's health, fighting against unhealthy food, and justice for poor people.

Black and white thinking

Candace Gorham says the black and white thinking sets people up for disappointment by creating unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. She says Black women hold themselves back from progress because they have limited themselves in their careers or relationships because of religious beliefs.

I agree with this assessment and I also think that's why many Black women will be lonely and not have male companionship. They limit themselves to men in church and from my experience the men who stick around church tend to be master manipulators, wolves in sheep's  clothing, or just plain old lazy. These men know that having a man will increase a woman's status in church so they don't need to put forth much effort.

Not all men are like this in church but that's what I've seen.

Also I'll be very frank: most of the men I've found really attractive drop out of church at some point.

All of these women staying in church 24/7 thinking they will find a husband because they've earned it will find themselves alone because the game is rigged. The pastors need single women to keep the church going.

Settling for less

[Black women] settle for less based on unreliable evidence and information because of the trust they place in the ministers and institutions that push these agendas. They do not work to develop their own critical thinking skills when it comes to church and instead surrender their will and power to others - Candace Gorham

This was among my biggest issue with church. We were not encouraged to thrive and live fully to the glory of God. Instead we were encouraged to limit ourselves  to the church building. There's a whole big world out there and life is much bigger than the same three services they want you to attend every week.

There's so much more to this world than the limited world view of the church. They don't want people to be exposed to more because then they will start to understand that God Gave them power and the ability to solve problems if they only step out on faith and take action.

Black women look to the church for everything and the church clearly doesn't have all the answers. If they did, then wouldn't more of the people in church be thriving instead of barely making it?

Focusing on the negative 

The Black church Can be a very negative institution - Candace Gorham

Amen to that.

Someone once told me that anything that's fun and makes you feel good is probably a sin. What a terrible way to live! It's not just that kind of thinking. It's the constant these are our last days so why enjoy life type of mantras.

Growing up it always felt like we shouldn't be too joyful, too excited, or look forward to anything because the world might not even be here. There was no positive vision for the future because Jesus may come back and we will stand before him in judgement so it's all over.

We also may make a mistake and go straight to hell. Hearing that over and over again will take a toll on the psyche. You become afraid to live because you may make a mistake and it's all over.

As Members it is Magnified if we miss a service or watch a program that the church deems as evil but it is minimized if the preacher decides to sleep with half the church. Way too much inconsistency.

Blame and Guilt

I remember falling back from church when I was still single after doing everything that I thought to do was right. Surely I was being punished for not doing something since God had not blessed with anyone.

Thankfully I realized it had nothing to do with not being good enough to earn a husband . I was not marriage material and I'm sure many of the women desperate to get married in church aren't either if they are honest with themselves.

I did what the church said to do (attend church, give faithfully, read the Bible) but I wasn't doing what I needed to do to be healthy in a relationship. I didn't need to attend church more or give more money. I needed to get my mind right.

Suffering: Hang on til heaven  

As far as suffering in women, many of us have accepted this idea that black males are an endangered species. That the black man is on the verge of extinction. A lot of women buy into that. Do they're thinking that Jesus is their only the man because all of the other men in their lives have never been any good. - Mandisa

I'm just going to let that marinate. I agree 100%. Many of the women have just let themselves go. There's no excitement. Attractive women are seen as threats. Many of the women are lonely and embittered and say things like I'm married to the Lord. Huh? Come on now

Mandisa Continues

"I think that he biggest problem that the church perpetuates is the idea that we're destined for worldly failure because, in order to have that glorious afterlife, you have to suffer now.The church perpetuates suffering "

I used to be on a board that was for people who left legalism and we all agreed that they had an attitude of hang on til heaven. It's almost like the more miserable and the more you struggled here the more saintly you were and the more of a martyr you were.

Someone who enjoyed their life wasn't as serious of a Christian as someone who dragged themselves to every boring service.

Living in fear

I find it interesting that the people who say that they know there's a God who is walking with them and protecting them are some of the most fearful people. They lead some of the most unsure, most inexperienced, and fearful of lives. - Mandisa

So true! These people never do anything courageous and are afraid of making mistakes. One of my life mottos is that you cannot say you have faith and never do anything crazy. Otherwise what is the point of having faith if it doesn't enable you to do the ridiculous and go for it.

Faith should allow you to take risks and get crazy!