5 Reasons Why the Ciara and Russell Wilson story can give hope to even the most cynical of us....

Ciara and Russell Wilson were married on July 6, 2016 after what seemed like a whirlwind year of dating.  I suspect they were together longer, but the public first learned of their relationship last Spring.

I admit I was a skeptic when I first heard they were dating and declined to give my full support (as if they needed it) until the 4th of July in 2015.  This seemed totally like some kind of PR stunt since IMO they didn't seem to go together (What do I know? As we have learned, I'm pretty cynical and don't really buy most relationships.)

However what changed for me was when I listened to Russell give a talk with Pastor Miles from Rock Church (who leads a couples Bible Study for one of my mentors) and that's when I knew this was for real and he would end up marrying her.

After that I became an avid supporter and following their romance on social media, I found myself encouraged and inspired. I realized that I wasn't alone in my thoughts.  A lot of women (especially Black, single, Christian) were finding hope with their story.  While I don't think we should ever treat a human couple as an idol or #relationshipgoals, I don't think there is anything wrong with allowing other people's story and testimony encourage you.   I can give you several reasons why their story gave hope to many...

1. Sometimes you have to lose to win

Both of these people have been in public relationships that failed.  There have been rumors about why that happened, but nobody really knows and we don't need to know.  Ciara's struggles with her past relationships have been more public than Russell's. Many people wanted to shame her for her past choices in men and deemed her unworthy to move on and have a great life.  

I give so much credit to Ciara she continued to hold her head high and live her life despite the drama and critics.  Russell was there with her every step of the way and she even said that he coached her through all of her legal struggles and public dragging due to the lies that were being spread.

Here is the Lesson: The right person will stand with you through the storm.   The wrong one will leave and take everything with her.  The right person will stay No matter how bad it looks to everyone else.  The right person who God has sent you will stand strong even when the naysayers are telling them to run for the hills because this is ALL BAD and you shouldn't get caught up in their mess.

Nope...the RIGHT person have the faith that they will see God's glory if they believe.  They love you ENOUGH to believe that what God has brought together...NO MAN OR CIRCUMSTANCE WILL TEAR APART.

Sometimes people make you feel as though you have to spend the rest of your life in misery because your relationship failed or you messed up.  You don't.  You can move on with the lessons learned and find the love of your life.

There are also times when you have to lose it all in order to win what was originally intended for your life. You have to lose that spouse that you married for the wrong reasons in order to get the spouse that God has for you in order to fulfill your purpose. It will be the difference maker between your destiny being fulfilled or living a life of bitterness.

Losing is okay.  Being a Loser is not okay.  Being defeated is also not okay.

2. Russell publicly loves, honors, and respects Ciara 

Now it is not very often that we see this happen in popular culture.   It is even MORE rare that we see this coming from a Black man to a Black woman.  I think this is what really has people going.  Black women are often disrespected and demeaned by the men in their community and to see this man publicly adore, honor, and respect her was a refreshing change.  Hey it really exists!

When you already have a child...

Ciara is also a single mama and sometimes single mamas feel as if they cannot move on because they are damaged goods and nobody will love them AND their child.  Some men will be ALL IN with the woman but not want to be bothered with the child.  Not Russell.  Nope...He has made it very clear that he loves Ciara AND her little boy.  

The person that is for you will love YOU AND YOUR CHILD.  If they don't, then they are not for you.  I'll be honest, I know that the chances of me being married to someone without children from a prior relationship are getting smaller as time goes by and this has been something I've addressed. I am not about to be anybody's wicked stepmother so I'm being proactive about opening my heart to loving someone else's child.

No rang...Ain't gone get that thang

When Russell talked to Pastor Miles and talked about being abstinent, I knew right then they would get married.  Russell mentioned leading Ciara in this area and when a man talks about leading a woman towards what he believes to be righteousness then I know he's looking at something greater. He's looking at leading his family and not just giving them money.  It showed that he was respectful of her as a human being and she just wasn't some sex object that he wanted to conquer.

Also you may as well know what I believe to be the litmus test and Russell passed.  Men should be more into the woman and love her more.  I believe that from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.  I have heard this from several women who have been married for a very long time.  The man should always love the woman more.  Russell seems to know what a prize he has and he's not shy about telling the world about it.  That's how it should be.

As Black women we are always told to settle for the crumbs and no man will publicly adore us like this.  How about that ain't true?  We are enough!  We are worthy of the same honor and respect as anyone else...we don't need to beg or grovel for this.  

3.  Not wasting each other's time

I will celebrate somewhat of a milestone birthday this year.  I have gone on record as saying I'm not interested in someone wasting my time.  As a matter of fact, I'm not interested in wasting MY time so if your mind isn't made up about what you want and what you're going to do, then forget it.  I'm not interested in dating a bunch of people to see which one will fit.  That leads to settling because honestly going back to my last point, if someone is really here for you then it's on.  You won't be able to keep them away.

You're not being realistic.  You need to....

Settle. 

No I'm not about that life.  Listen I think I am great enough to the point where I don't NEED to settle.  I am enough as is.  Besides doing this husband project, I have learned that if I am not FIRED UP and don't have a strong enough WHY to be married, then I'm not going to make it.  I'm not one of these women who needs to be with someone.  If I am it's because I've CHOSEN to and it's because I believe in the WHY.

I am so sick of seeing my friends waste their time with these men who are wishy washy, don't really want a commitment, and are waiting to see if something better is coming along.  If he doesn't know or is noncommittal, then MOVE ON.  You don't need to waste your time on this.  If you're unsure, then MOVE ON. I'm also tired of them being with men they don't really respect or even like but stay with because they are worried nothing else will come along.

4.  They Love God, Serve Him, and Help Others in the Process.  There's a deeper purpose.

I'm always preaching about this but if a man is not purpose driven, FIRED UP about his calling, and mission in life then we have ZERO to talk about.  I'm not interested in money, cars, and houses. You know why?  That stuff can be taken from you in a moment.  Plus I am not interested in a man who makes that his whole life focus.  What a shallow way to live!  There's no purpose.

Yes and I may as well say this too, I am not interested in a man that doesn't know the Lord.  I'm not talking about churchgoing cause I don't really do that anymore either but I'm talking about a man who knows the Lord and serves him with his life.  For many of my other sisters who are believers, this was a breath of fresh air.  Yes!  He exists!

Side Note:  I do believe we need to be what we want to attract and honestly just going to church isn't enough.  You need to serve God with your entire life if you want to attract a man who does the samez

As I followed the Russell and Ciara romance, I grew to really enjoy the way they would visit sick children together in Seattle and there seemed to be a bigger purpose behind their romance.  You really got the sense that God brought them together ON PURPOSE.  I think that's inspiring to many.

This has certainly given me hope that my vision and goals are not impossible.  Outrageous?  Yes.  Crazy?  Not like the norm?  yes...but that's how I roll.

5.  Good Guys still exist

If we're being perfectly honest, then Russell is totally my type of guy.  Corny. Funny, Confident, Charming, Polite, Great Father, Family Oriented, and wrapped in an athletic package.

For many of my sisters, we have ceased to believe these types of men exist and if they do exist, they don't want us.  These are lies from the pit of Hell.  There are good men out there, we just need to be ready for them when they cross our paths and that happens by doing the work.  Doing the work of personal development so when the opportunity presents itself, you can say Aye!!! 

Good Men Still Exist.  They are out there...We just cannot settle for the bums and then complain that we are victims when they do what bums do.

Wishing them nothing but joy and happiness

I wish Ciara and Russell nothing but happiness.  It takes a real man to be able to love his wife in public, stand with her through the storm, and love her child right along with her.  I pray that God blesses them to have a loving, eternal, and most importantly FRUITFUL union.

To God be the Glory.