Spring 2016 The Power of Now Aha Moments. Aha moment #25: Using People as a Means to an End

Furthermore, if you continuously make the Now into a means to an end j the future, you will also make every person you encounter or relate with into a means to an end.

*mic drop*

My Own Bad Attitude

I've done all this pontificating about selfish ambition but I've realized how that's still so much of my worldview.  As a Single who didn't know NOTHING  about marriage and how wives should treat their husbands, I was doing this Bible Study called the Husband Project and I realized how bad my attitude was. I would think:

“This is too much work.

This is so lame. What is the point?

So The wife is supposed to do all this for the husband and what does she get out of it?

I don't know about this. I don't want to be too nice and get treated like a doormat.

I'm still about that self preservation life. Always trying to think ahead to protect myself from being disappointed, hurt, trampled On, ruined, or destroyed.

It's been very eye opening to say the least. Honestly I've been wondering why I've been so relieved lately that I'm not married or have kids. I was wondering if it was because I have surrendered to the fact that I am not and that's okay. But I think it's because I know my heart would not be in it the way it should be. It would be to participate in a societal obligation or to prove others wrong. All selfish motivations and nothing to do with the other human being in the relationship

Eckhart Tolle

The relationship -- the human being-- is then of secondary importance to you, or of no importance at all what you can get out of the relationship is primary - be it material gain, a sense of power, physical pleasure, or some form of ego gratification

I'm Not Missing Out....

I mean seriously?  If many of us were to be completely honest with ourselves, then this is our primary motivation for relationships.  It has nothing to do with the other human being across from them.  In many cases we don’t even RESPECT them as human beings.  How can anything good come from that?

The Bible says:  Where there is envy AND selfish ambition, there is evil doing of every kind.  

I’m sharing this because the more I dig deeper into this journey and into myself, I have lost a lot of the desire I have had to be married because my heart and motives were not right and honestly I’m in a good place focusing on what I’m supposed to do rather than resisting the single journey.  I don’t think it’s a bad journey.  

I look around and see so many women (and men) who are trapped in these situations where they are not living and are being destroyed daily by their toxic relationship.  I see people I know enduring lying, betrayal, and becoming more bitter every single year.

I don’t think I am missing out. To do it right seems like more work and energy that I’m not willing to give at this point in my life.  I want to focus on my own business, helping people, and doing what I’m doing.  I wonder if I was actually so pressed about marriage because of other people.  I wanted to do it so that I didn’t look weird or unwanted to other people. I am over that.

People should not be a means to an ending...even a happy ending.

I don’t believe my salvation is in marriage or kids because I’ve seen so many people (mainly women) who placed their salvation in husband and children, and they were left bitterly disappointed. We must take responsibility for our own lives and using people as a means to an end...even a happy one is selfish ambition and will not end well.

As Eckhart Tolle says, I don’t believe we should EVER used other people as our means to an end whether we think it will lead to happiness or contentment.  It’s a principle that many people never want to acknowledge because it spoils many of our fairy tale ideas.