Proverbs 31 OBS Wait and See Week 5: How much Longer?

In Chapter 8 of #WaitAndSee, Wendy Pope shares three typical ways we respond when desperate to end a wait: Continue to seek the Lord, work out our salvation and tend our sheep. “Help” God by manipulating circumstances to rush our desired outcome. Turn the object of our wait into an idol. I have done All 3 of these things. Currently I am doing Number 1 because Number 2 and 3 did nothing but cause drama, frustration, anxiety, and misery. How Much Longer? Sometimes I find myself asking:  How much Longer? Are you there God?  It's Me Geneva...Have you forgotten all you've shown me and said would happen? As I have shared with you, he usually sends me people to encourage me to keep on keeping on and I know he hasn't forgotten me.  When I hooked up with my fabulous business coach Caterina this past Fall, I realized that while I have learned a lot about business, I still don't know very much and I certainly don't know enough to make a very good SUSTAINABLE income.  When she asked me how much money I wanted to make this coming year in 2017 and I answered, She said:  "No that's not good.  It's not enough."   She also helped me get my online component off of the ground. After this past Summer's "Husband Project" where I understood that I was NOT marriage material, I changed my tune all the way.  Um...we need more time because my heart is not right and even if you sent me Blair Underwood's clone...I would find a way to ruin things.  Instead of How much longer I now say:   Take your Time and Do it Right.  We need more time. "Help God along to manipulate our circumstances" The better question would be to ask: Who among us has NOT done this? I've done it and with disastrous circumstances each time.  I've done it professionally by thinking that if I took a certain path then I would get to the income and accomplishment level I desired.  I lasted 6 months before bombing out miserably.  I also realized that ascending through a corporation had little to do with intelligence and skill set but more about politics and playing games which  I was unwilling to do. I've done it personally by telling myself that this is it:  My final Hope and The Final Countdown.  I decided that I would try to fulfill my own fantasies and of course it was a complete mess. I acted horrible and looking back I realize that wasn't it anyway.  I deserved so much more.  SO MUCH MUCH MORE. I've decided that God does not need my help in moving things along.  His plans are much better than mine. "Turn the Object of our Wait into an Idol" Success was my Idol for many years. I wanted Success so bad.  Idolatry is excessive reverence and devotion to an object.  I worshipped success and was envious of everyone who was more successful than I was.   I believed that I DESERVED to be successful.  I tried to do the right thing, I worked hard, I put my time in, I tried to get better.  Yet I wasn't as successful as I felt I deserved to be. I wanted all of the objects of success and resume accomplishments to prove to people that I didn't like or had no respect for in the first place that I was much more successful than they ever could be.  I had more than they ever would have and they would RUE the day they had ever said one word about me. Yeah it's no surprise that God knew I had no business being successful.  My heart was all wrong...and with that type of attitude I would have been destroyed and anyone who came into my path would have been destroyed.

My Current Situation: Continue to seek the Lord, work out our salvation and tend our sheep.

This is what I'm currently doing and it's the best.  I'm doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing and devoting my energy and attending to that.

I'm currently working with about 20 ladies helping them to live better and I'm hoping to work with many more in 2017.

I'm also learning a lot about myself through studies like: "The Husband Project" and also through this one.   During this Wait and See study I've been able to be honest and do some introspection about WHY I am so focused on self preservation and also why I need to continue to allow God to soften my heart.

I know my heart is softening too because I've been open to this teaching that is so opposite of my traditional feminist views.  My heart is softening because I see this woman's points about Black women and femininity.  I understand why I've become so hardened and masculine in certain areas and not feeling like I needed anyone else.  It's a survival mechanism that many women in our culture tend to adopt because we haven't had the privilege of having other people support us.  If we were going to do it, then we had to get it done ourselves.

Therefore we tend to become hardened, masculine in nature, and either gravitate towards weak men who don't know what they want or stay alone.

This will probably be a big blog topic for me in the next year as I get deeper into these teachings.  I would NOT have been ready for this kind of talk 2 years ago but I am now.

So this is the beauty of our Pause....we become open to ideas and teachings we wouldn't have been ready for because we would not have had the maturity to listen to something different.

  It's time to say something different.  - Bishop Joseph Garlington

My faith has not been weakened in my faith.  If anything my faith and resolve have only been strengthened in Jesus' name.

I am ready to do so and I am ready to take this time for the Pause to strengthen my Resolve and become who God needs me to be.