Let it Go! The need to be perfect or else I'm a miserable failure attitude

This week I had a skype meeting with my coach for my fitness competition.  I told her I was still shooting to compete in July, but if that didn't work out then I had a Plan B for August.  I said this in a matter of fact way.

Hold Up!  Wait a minute!  That's a sign of progress

She assured me she would let me know if we needed more time because she can tell whether competitors are ready or not.  She said it isn't a big deal because she has changed competitions herself so many times and if you aren't ready for the competition you wanted to do, there's always another one down the line.

After we finished talking, I shared in our group about how that was a definite sign of progress for me.  I'm determined to keep going either way it goes and I don't feel like I've failed if we have to push back the original goal

All or Nothing thinking

I am an all or nothing thinker.  If it isn't all going the right way, then I'm not doing NOTHING.  (Yes, that is improper english but it makes the point so much better).  If it doesn't look like it is going to turn out the way I think it will, then I want to give up and say forget it.

As we all know, things in life RARELY turn out the way that we think they will.  There's always something that just doesn't go quite right, but ultimately ends up working for the best.  

For the last few years is that I have been trying to do it all and nothing has happened.  Instead of going with the flow and letting things take their natural course (even if it is bumpy and messy), I have tried to manipulate and control it all.  All that has happened is that I end up frustrated and disappointed.

Perfectionism is futile and a code word for fear

I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect. 

Let me say that again:  I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect.  Neither will you... so let's stop driving ourselves crazy!!

For years I have struggled with this idea of perfectionism.  I've believed the trap that if only I were better in some sort of capacity, then my life would look different.  I've listened to comments about how this and that being wrong with me and that's why things are the way they are.  I've believed that I'm inferior and disqualified in some capacity.

So what did I do?  I turned inward and tried to fix all what I thought was wrong with me.  I did all of this to no avail.  The more I tried to "fix myself" the more frustrated I became.

Funny enough after receiving the word at the altar about how Things will be different and when the senior saint prayed for me to be set free, I have looked at things differently.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I'm human and God is performing the inner work in my life to help me to be a functioning human.  I've made mistakes like everyone else but I see where I went wrong.  Instead of beating myself up about it, I find myself saying "Well that was quite a learning experience.  I grew a LOT from that experience)

This sounds bad, but I'm going to say it anyway.  I also tuned out people who have had nothing but negative input.  It's interesting because all I said was, "I don't need your help.  Let me figure it out.  Let me mess up and make my own mistakes.  Let me do it."  

That was it.  Nothing else was said from that moment on because I am done with that type of thinking.  I'm done listening to this is wrong, that's wrong, and you're this and that from people who aren't in any better shape than I am.  I don't need their approval and I don't need their advice.

I have realized perfectionism is FUTILE.  I'm going to have mess ups like I did with Mr. Excitement.  I made an absolute mess out of things but I learned a lesson and I grew from that experience.  It's okay though, I will live.  

Perfectionism is a code word for fear and avoidance

I have heard it said that perfectionism is a code word for fear and I believe that to be true.  I think perfectionism is just a code word for fear and avoidance.

How many times have I wanted to start something but because there was a chance it may not turn out perfectly, I decline to get started at all?

How many times have I started something I'm really passionate and care about but then there's a bump in the road, I mess up, or things don't look perfect anymore and then I give up and quit?

How many times have I wanted to go for it and I was worried that the person would find out my secret? I'm not perfect. 

I avoid things that look messy and tough because there's a chance it may not be perfect.

I'm scared to do things that I really want because I'm afraid it won't turn out perfectly and I will be a miserable failure and a laughing stock.

It is time to let these attitudes GO!  LET IT GO!! LET IT GO!!!

Perfectionism and Relationships

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I used to think that I needed to be perfect for anyone to want to be with me.  I thought that I had to look perfect, say perfect things, be the perfect lady, etc. in order for someone to love me.  

I can remember thinking, "Well if I was thinner then I bet Mr. Excitement would have liked me then.  It's because I don't look perfect"

Well guess what happened?  I lost 15 pounds and the same thing happened with Mr. Excitement: NOTHING.  So that obviously wasn't it.  Perhaps yelling, screaming, and bullying him had something to do with it.

This week I realized that I do not need to be perfect to be in a relationship.  I am definitely not expecting the other person to be perfect, so why should I put that type of pressure on myself.

Sure I'm opinionated, loud, bossy (we're banning that word #banbossy). have great leadership potential, and tend to be aggressive about getting what I want.  On the other hand, I have other great qualities: doer, hard worker, knows what she wants, has great leadership potential, entertaining...

Someone will work with and appreciate all of it: the areas of opportunity and the great stuff.

Let it go: I don't need to be perfect and if I have to adjust...fine

Just like with the competition, if things don't work out the way I thought they would...I can adjust. If I mess up, I can clean up what I messed up and start over again.  I don't need to think like this any longer. 

• I'm not a miserable failure.  
• I do not need to feel like I have been defeated.
• I won't be a laughing stock and if I am....oh well
• I'm not a disappointment

To be honest with you, this has been a tremendous relief for me.  I'm not perfect!  Neither is anyone else on this sacred journey.  We're all here to learn, grow, and serve a purpose.

To God be the Glory