Let it Go: The comfort zone of wallowing in the mire

A few days ago I was reading a message board and someone had this to say:

The people seemed to enjoy wallowing in the mire because they didn't like to be happy or have fun.

Now this message board is for those of us with the shared experience of leaving legalism, but that really stood out to me.  He is absolutely 100% right.  In my last blog post, I talked about how growing up you didn't want to be too happy or excited because usually that was from the devil.  In worship it was emphasized that those other people were so excited and turned up in worship because they wanted to be entertained and I can distinctly remember it being said "The devil always has a good time".

Now clearly after leaving legalism I know none of this is true and many of the people are so entangled in the bondage of legalism that they have just given up and are wallowing in the mire of their misery.

However, that line of thinking is still stuck down in my subconscious:  If you get too excited or happy then you should wait for the other shoe to drop or it's from the devil and won't last.

The Comfort Zone of Wallowing in the Mire

Wallowing in the mire is my comfort zone.  Feeling down about something, trying to fix something, and not allowing myself to enjoy the moment is my comfort zone.

This has been glaringly apparent in my latest season of life.  Exciting things keep happening but I keep trying to turn down my excitement because I know the next piece of bad news is coming to spoil it.  I won't allow myself to get too happy because I know it won't be long before the other shoe drops.

Wait what now?

I can't even enjoy my blessings because I don't know HOW to.

To be frank with you, when I was miserable at my last job, that felt safer to me than being excited and happy with my new arrangement.  

As I have talked with others about this, I find that I am not the only one who thinks like this.  When you've faced a lot of challenges and obstacles, the comfort zone is being down in the dumps.  Being excited and happy is foreign and unnatural.  It makes us uneasy.

Being down in the dirt and the dumps is what feels natural.

There's something wrong with this picture

Letting it Go

Even after five years out of legalism, I still deal with the remnants of that thinking.  Surface level yes I'm done with it, but remnants still remain of not being too happy or excited.

How I am letting it go

Focusing on what I want to happen

Instead of pages in my journal dedicated to analysis of what's wrong with my life and how to fix it, I have pages of visions, dreams, and goals.

We've got pages talking about passion, love, and impact.  Focusing on these things makes it easier to get through each day rather than trying to find more things in my life that need fixing.

Thinking about what could have happened.

 On Sunday I was in the grocery store parking lot and I burst into tears thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't woken up one morning and asked myself:

What in the HELL are you doing?

You see 5 years ago I gave up on my dreams and goals.  I figured I came back home to San Francisco so my dreams could die.  I figured that I was destined to live that same miserable, mediocre, wallowing in the mire, settling for less life that I had always feared.  I was even making one stupid decision after another.  Luckily I got out before I did anything that would have taken years to recover from.

As I sat there in sincere grattitude of what God has done in my life these past five years, all of what I complained and grumbled about didn't seem so important anymore.

Looking around and inside to all that is happening

There is an inner work going on and there is no doubt about it.  I have clarity in areas that were foggy before.  I'm writing regularly about love, passion, and being present and connected.  I'm literally imprinting what love should look like on my brain by writing it out.  It's os clear.

Of course I have left the wilderness of my old job and there are lots of opportunities coming my way and I am enjoying those as well.  I take the time to think about what doors may open up for me.

Filling my mind with GOOD stuff and tuning out the negative

Now part of this as changing my environment.  I am now around people who share my same value system and thought processes, so that makes it easier BUT I also am spending more time listening to good podcasts, reading inspirational books, and of course studying the Word.  

I also have tuned a lot of the negativity out.  I no longer want to sit around with others analyzing what is wrong with life. I have also become extremely selective about who I share my life with.  I no longer am an open book seeking advice or allowingothers to speak on my situation.  Many people who want to offer advice aren't in any position than you are and maybe even worse!  Now I'm much more closed off and really selective about who I allow in my circle of genius.

I also think when you give the WRONG people license to speak into your life, that starts to plant seeds of doubt and fear

Taking it one day at a time

When I think about the fitness competition, I get scared.  If I focus on my meal prep and workouts every day, then it isn't so scary.  Once I start looking around at the websites, the competitors, this and that, I get scared and start to sink but if I focus on what I have to do every day then I am encouraged.

The same goes with life.  if I begin to focus on my circumstances and all of the terrible things that could happen, then I start sinking but if each day I ask for enough grace and strength to make it through.

Leaving the Mire

I am ready to leave the dirt and dumps of despair.  I no longer want to live there.  I want to be optimistic about the future.  I know that I have a doggone good one and that God is preparing me for great things ahead.  I want to be focused on that instead of my failures and areas of opportunity

To God be the Glory!