Week 2 A Confident Heart Bible Study Surrendering my Heart...Yikes but here goes!

Salvation is a one time event, surrender is a daily process.

This statement resonated with me because as believers we go through different seasons.  There are seasons where God calls us to surrender our hearts our dreams, and our plans to Him.  These are times where we are asked to put action behind our faith walk.

I am in this season right now.

I'm a person who likes to see the bottom line before I commit to anything.  I want to know the outcome before I give anything up.  I want to make sure that I am going to get a return on my investment.

God doesn't work that way

God's way is to make you commit before you know what you're signing up for, but His Return on Investments always pay exceedingly and abundantly more than we would have gotten on my own.

The story I would like to share is what happened when I said "Yes" to surrendering my heart this past summer. 

Surrendering my heart 

Surrendering my Heart On this Blog

Two of the strongholds that have surfaced in our Confident Bible study for me has been: rejection and  feeling unworthy of love.  

I am nervous to share this story and have tried to talk myself out of it for several reasons, but the main one is because I don't know how it ends.  The story is still being written.  By sharing the story at this point, I run the risk of looking foolish, delusional, and facing embarrassing rejection publicly.  

I tried to reason my way out of it, but when the topics came out for blog topics I knew what it was I had to share.  Then today the devotional from Proverbs 31 was "Will you share your story?"  I knew that I had to share this story  as an act of faith and obedience.

To set the scene read this blog post.  This gives you an idea of what was going on and how things really felt different that day.

Surrendering my heart when I didn't want to

I told the story in here of what happened when God told me to pray for the man in front of me in church.

This man in church wasn't a complete stranger.  I knew he went to the gym where I used to work.  Sad to say I never tried to find out much about him... not even his name.  This man sat in front of me at church, went to the gym where I used to work, and I don't think I ever even bothered to talk to him. Oh once I said "See you Sunday". 

So I said Yes to God and started to pray for him.  This went on for about three weeks and then I began to get resentful, doubtful, and annoyed.  I started grumbling and complaining because I was sure this was my imagination leading me astray again.  

I also thought this was pretty cruel of God.  I didn't see what the point of this was AND even worse I was single, tired of it, and sick of rejection/disappointment over not even having any prospects.  

This seemed liked a gigantic waste of my time and I wasn't going to get ANYTHING OUT OF IT (how wrong I was).  Yet I continued on because God said to.  

Surrendering my Heart produces fruit

I had forgotten church was doing baptisms June 30 and gym/church guy was on the list.  Then he shared his testimony with the church and it was all over after that.  

That's when I began to think that "Maybe I didn't make any of this up after all.  Maybe God really did tell me to pray for gym/church guy.  

That entire day I was messed up. I just knew that from that point on, I was all in.   I turned it and then God turned it.  The best illustration I can give is from : 2 Chronicles 7:14

Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

I knew I was dead wrong on so many counts: being so selfish and self absorbed, spending my time chasing after Brother Bad News to fulfill my needs instead of looking to see who needed prayer, and chasing all of the temporal things of life.

The Lord had informed that there was going to be a mighty move of God that day.  When I think about mighty moves of God, I always think of kaboom or falling out at the altar  None of that happened, but   I knew I HAD to get closer to God because something was happening and if one act of surrender could produce this, what else could happen?  

To be honest I STILL don't know what he's doing 

Surrendering my Heart isn't about me

Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned is that surrendering our hearts isn't about US.  The more we focus on ourselves, the more upset and disappointed we get because we see ourselves as martyrs/victims.  I was certainly going down that road.  God showed me that the most important thing is to seek Him and His purposes not my own failing agenda.

 I learned that lifting OTHER people up in prayer can encourage you beyond measure and push you closer to God.  We just don't have a clue at how our testimonies/struggles can affect other people.  

The funny part is that gym/church dude STILL doesn't know any of this:  I hope that one day I get to tell him how much of a blessing he was.  If he hadn't been brave enough to proclaim his faith and testimony in front of the entire church,  none of this would have happened.  

I figure God has his own timing for when it should be revealed if he ever wants him to know.

What if I hadn't surrendered?

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I would have ignored God telling me to pray for gym/church guy.  I think I still would have been stagnant, half hearted, and even more doubtful in my faith.  

God certainly got my attention that day  If nothing else happens, this was MORE than enough.

I have said that the point of this blog is to serve as a testimony of faith as my story is being written.  I don't know what will happen and I run the risk of looking foolish, delusional, and being wrong.

But for me to get to the next level of faith and have A CONFIDENT HEART I can't wait to see what the outcome of things are before I surrender my heart to God.

 I have to take risks and do what scares me to death because:

I have decided I'm gonna live like a believer
Turn my back on the deceiver
I'm gonna live what I believe
I have decided knowing it all is just a fable
I'm gonna leave it to the Lord.

To God be the Glory