Holy Guacamole they were talking about me! 7 Signs Your Partner is too Selfish For A relationship...

This week I read an interesting article from Huffington Post which I will include at the end of this blog post.  The article was entitled 7 Signs Your partner is too selfish for a relationship.

By the time I got to #3, these observations were sounding very familiar.  I recognized a lot of them because I was the selfish person.

I've been pretty candid on this blog about how I was fueled by Selfish Ambition.  That's what I was in it for.  Not to serve or love another but for my own selfish motives.  The very first sign that someone is too selfish for a relationship is if they are more concerned with your career, looks, etc. than your character.

“The ‘what you do’ may be status-oriented qualities, like looks or career accomplishments, but often it is about what you ‘do’ for her,” she said. “You will find that your partner is not as interested in who you really are as a person because she lacks the capacity to emotionally tune in and provide empathy. In this situation, you don’t feel seen or heard and often feel invisible.” 

That was me to the fullest.  I wanted to be married to someone I could write press releases about.  I wanted this to add to my marketing story.  It wasn't about coming together for the greater good.  It was about What have you done for me lately and how will this affect what I want out of life?

I can sit here and try to justify this but there is no justification for it.  It is wrong.  Anytime you are motivated by what another person can do for you instead of loving that person for their character it will all fall down.  We are always hearing of stories where people get married because the person is rich, famous, or has some enviable title and then one day it all falls down....and the marriage/relationship goes down right along with it.

This is why we should be open to people when they are at a low point in their lives. Just got fired, facing a down time economically,  recently divorced (AND GETTING COUNSELING) etc.  Then they'll KNOW we are really there for them and not any kind of titles or money!  That of course is when people will tell you to run the opposite way but I think that's when you can really build something great because there would be a lot more service, faith, and true love when people are at their lowest.

Coming to Terms with Myself

I will be the first to admit I am self centered because I've always felt like if I don't take care of myself, then nobody else will.  I've always had to do things on my own with minimal direction and I've had to figure it out on my own so I'm not that willing to let someone else in or put myself in a position to where I would lose on account of someone else.

I did not grow up with the idea that Prince Charming was going to come along and rescue me at the end of the day...I was going to have to stand on my own two feet so I rationalized that I was always looking out for MY best interest.

While I do not think that we should be foolish or develop a Messiah complex to save others, I think that if we want to be in functional and thriving relationships then we need to get honest with ourselves.  I know for me I came to terms with the fact that being full of selfish ambition was not the way to go. 

It was a journey that began in January of 2014.  You can read about it on the blog under LIVE from the Wilderness and Refiners Fire University.

Excited for the Husband Project that Starts on Monday!

I am super excited for this Online Bible Study because I desire to be a life partner with someone but I want to know what I'm supposed to do.  I want to learn from those who are in loving marriages what to do.  I want to understand how to navigate the ups and downs.  When we're down what should I do?   I don't want to do what I've always seen.  I know what that leads to.  I want to break the cycle of dysfunction.

I want my children to be in a home filled with love and positive role modeling.  I want my sons and daughters to see a positive male role model in their lives that is cheered on by Mommy..and not cutting him down.  I think this is very important.

These intentions are ON PURPOSE.  We think it doesn't matter but it does.  This is what can cause another cycle of dysfunction or break the chains of generational curses.  I think it's a very big step that I can look at this article, recognize myself in it, and say I still need to change and grow.  Being aware  is the first step to making changes and I am aware that this is something that I need to really be conscious about so that I don't repeat family curses.

So we start the Bible Study on Monday.  I will be posting some of my key takeaways and how I'm feeling about the whole thing.  Look for a more in depth discussion at a later date!

Link to Article

7 Signs Your Partner is to Selfish for a relationship