To HELL with Giving Up....

Yesterday Saturday July 5, 2014 I was ready to GIVE UP.

I was ready to give up on EVERYTHING.  I was ready to throw in the towel on every single thing I'm believing for and investing in right now.

I was ready to say forget it to ALL OF IT.

The Competition

I had another incident with Teddy Grahams and Graham Crackers on the Fourth of July.  Although not as bad as the previous week's meltdown, I still felt bad about it.  I felt like just giving up and quitting because CLEARLY I don't have what it takes to make it through the contest preparation process.  I was just ready to throw in the towel altogether.  I also looked on social media and decided I don't really look like the people who compete.  What would make me think I have a chance to get up there and not look like a fool?

Yet yesterday I was at the gym and pushed through my workouts.  I felt like my iPod was trying to encourage me because the shuffle kept picking inspirational songs.  They that Wait by Fred Hammond but the one that I kept repeating was "After This".  "There will be victory after this!  There will be glory after this!  I'll have more power after this!"  It kept me going throughout my stepmill session.

I was also 100% compliant with my meals  yesterday instead of making excuses. For the record in the client data base where we track our compliance, I'm still at 99% even with the Teddy Graham incident.

My Career

I KNOW that I made the right decision in this area but when you're in the negative mindset you tend to focus on the worst of things.  My instincts tell me that my career choice is just the beginning of something SPECTACULAR but I wanted something to worry and grumble about in regards to this area too so I began to doubt I can do all I have envisioned for myself.

Love on Top

Since I was ready to quit everything...I was ready to give up believing that I'm right on track in this area.  I decided I was tired of waiting for something that didn't look like it was going to happen.  I was ready to throw in the towel, stop praying, stop believing, and just  resign myself to stalking people on social media.

I was ready to give up believing that anything good was going to happen.  For a while things seemed to be getting very exciting and I wasn't sure what was going on, but it sure was interesting.  Then it just died on the vine.

True Faith Endures the Wait

I'm reading a book by the awesome Bob Sorge about Unrelenting Prayer and yesterday's chapter mirrored all of my experiences thus far.  He says that in the wait is when you grow closer to God.  That is sure enough the truth.  I pray and listen to teachings more than ever before and not to ask for things, but just to be thankful and flow along with what God is doing in my life.

Accelerated Refiners Program

I have said on this blog that I feel like I'm in the Accelerated Refiner's Fire Program.  Pastor Bob said in the book Unrelenting Prayer that while you're waiting for God to answer your prayers, he will accelerate your progress. In the past 6 months God has exposed:

 envy, bitterness, and anger (all towards Him) in my heart

Like the angry older brother in the Prodigal Son story, I was angry that I had followed all of the rules and still didn't have what I wanted.  I was bitter because I felt like I was a good religious person yet I still didn't have any of the (worthless) things I had desired.  I was also envious of others who had everything I wanted and who I judged as not following the rules

I was angry at God because I felt like I had gotten a raw deal.

Girl if I didn't have a seat. 

 It isn't about rules and being good enough to deserve blessings.  That's religion and legalism.  Of course that is my background so that was my paradigm even after all of these years:  

Follow the rules and God will give you what you want.  Chile please.  Most of the time what we want would destroy us and is worthless in the grand scheme of things.

Selfish Ambition towards relationships

My main motivation for wanting to be married was to add another accomplishment to my biography. The other person was ok but it was all about proving to people that I am NOT a reject.  Someone has chosen me and nothing is wrong with me and you can add another life accomplishment to the list.

All wrong.  I got my butt handed to me about this because the scripture plainly says:

James 3:16
For where there is ENVY and SELFISH AMBITION, there you will find DISORDER and EVIL of every kind

How much plainer does that need to be?  


I now know that main motivation is the glory of God. God has also entrusted me with the job of leading  whomever this is to Christ SO THAT he can become the man God has called him to be. He can fulfill his dreams and God given purpose all for the glory of God and to IMPACT the world. 

Unforgiveness

This was a tough one, but on Father's Day for the first time ever I called my Dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day.  We now talk once a week and he has been very supportive and excited about my competition.  

I decided I wasn't going to be one of these people that lets the devil keeps them locked up in the prison of unforgiveness and blaming everyone else for their misery.  

Whew!  That's a lot of inner work to get done in the last 6 months.  I received a word of assigned deliverance back in March and truly nothing has been the same after that.

Enduring the Wait

I have to talk about what the sermon was about at church today because it spoke to all of this, but it's too much so I will save it for my next blog post, but Bob Sorge nailed it AGAIN when he said that Only True Faith will Endure the Wait.

I firmly agree.  Even though yesterday I was FEELING discouraged, I am resolute to stand firm in waiting for God to do SOMETHING.  I have no clue what on earth is going on.  When I start trying to come up with my own conclusions and trying to say "Well this happened and that happened...so that means that this is IT!"  

I don't know anything.

Bob Sorge went on to write that Faith loses it's present life to gain its ultimate destiny.  

That's what I believe.  I believe that the vision God has given me is so great and so real that if I give up, not only am I affected but there are so many other people who will miss out on the Glory of God because I chose to believe my feelings which were driven by lying spirits.  

Moving Past Feelings

Yesterday I had feelings that told me that I should give up and that I can't do it.  Well guess what?  I didn't give up.  I kept on despite what I was feeling.  During my workout I was quoting scriptures to myself:  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and I will reap a harvest of blessing in DUE SEASON if I don't give up.

When I got home I read Bob Sorge's Unrelenting Prayer book and spent time in reflection and prayer.  Instead of wallowing in the mire of the feelings of defeat and camping there, I had to acknowledge I had these feelings and then spent my time renewing my mind.

After Today's PROPHETIC word at church which SPOKE DIRECTLY TO WHAT I'm talking about.  I've come up with a new mantra because the devil isn't winning this battle.

TO HELL WITH GIVING UP

Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

To God be the GLORY!!!