Change My Stony Heart.......

I've got a bad attitude....

So we learned during the Bible Study that I have a pretty bad attitude and I am in no way marriage material.  I'm selfish, focused on self preservation, and generally have a wall up because I don't want to be derailed onto the road to ruin.

As I'm reading Christine Caine's book Unashamed, she shares her own journey with these issues.  She shares about how her heart was hard and how it was hard for her to be vulnerable before she married her husband Nick.  She didn't have the greatest attitude either.

The Good News is that we can and will be changed by God if we allow ourselves to.

You see Shame will cause us to be defensive or to want to run and hide behind our defense mechanisms by saying things like:  

I don't need anyone

Better off to do it alone so you don't get hurt

          I'm doing Me and that's it
          
          People just bring you down and it's a waste of time 

Well I am tired of being ashamed.  I'm going to Live Out Loud.  I'm going to say that I DON'T want to be that person anymore.  I don't want to be suspicious of people or try to control people by manipulation.  I acted that way because I was focused on self preservation and that's not the right attitude to have if you're going to love others.

But what if God calls you to do nice things every day...

So remember during the Husband Project study I was put off by the fact that you needed to do all of these nice things every day.  Why should one have to do nice things every day when they weren't getting it back?  Why should you have to tell your husband why you love him every single day.  If you haven't left yet, then shouldn't he know that.

These are the types of things a person with a stony heart like myself would say.

While I was reading Pastor Christine's book this week, I thought:  Well what if God calls me to do nice things every day?

What if God calls me to have a husband who needs someone to tell him good things about himself every day?  

Am I going to be like:  Well I'm tired of telling him nice things about himself every day because he's getting on my nerves today and he's an adult.  If he hasn't gotten it by now then he's just not going to get it.

Now that's what I would say at this time with a stony heart.  That sounds terrible but it's true.  I'm unashamed and that's something I would say.

So I said God I need Help.  I can't keep going like this if I want to move forward.  I can't keep going like this if I don't want a Grand Opening and Grand Closing Marriage.  I can't keep going like this if I really want to move into the next area of my life.

So as God does he answered me in the next paragraph of Pastor Christine's Book where she shared the scripture above.  Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.[a]

Pastor William Barber the leader of Moral Mondays in North Carolina gave a Moral Declaration to the Democratic National Convention last week where he said to Revive our Stony Hearts in America.  So true.  When we see Evangelical Christians supporting a man like Donald Trump who is the antithesis of what Jesus preached and who will do anything for ratings we know that we are in trouble.

God does need to revive the stony hearts of those of us who call Christ Lord and Savior here in the United States.  As I have noted in my research regarding the Dechurched, Dones, and Nones religious group in the United States a big reason for leaving is that there is just not enough LOVE and SERVICE through action with those in church.  It's simply about keeping the doors open.

 

A Danger for Singles over 30...

I celebrate a milestone birthday weekend this month.  I will be 35 years young and I have never been married. I think for someone in my position it is easier to believe that you can do a better job of living life on your own than with a partner because honestly when I look at my peers very few have been married and gone on the success curve upward.  Quite the opposite has happened.  

Frankly I have given thanks that I did not settle and marry because I was afraid to be alone or had kids that I really didn't want because that's what you do or because I thought it would make me happy.

So there's reason to be thankful but I also think there's a danger.  There's a danger in your heart growing even more stony as you get older and no great love has come into your life.  You become embittered and stop believing and your actions/attitude reflect that.  HELLO!  Look at me.  It gets to the point where you just focus on the negative and stop seeing the good and it is out there.  You just have to free your mind to see it.

You have to get rid of the shame of, "not being chosen" and embrace where you are on your journey NOW.

A word of encouragement If you're over 30 and still single....especially for the 35 and up

This might be stony heart thinking but here it goes anyway:  I think many people who married young, impulsively, and for the wrong reasons have gone through their starter marriages and are now preparing for their long term marriages.  They've learned valuable lessons, grown and developed, and are now looking for partners to build their lives with.

So  those of us in these demographics are in prime position if we continue on our own path and development if marriage should be in God's will for our lives.

I am not losing heart or hope.  I recognize that I am not marriage material right now because of my attitude and I don't want a grand opening/grand closing/starter marriage.  I am too old for that now and don't want to waste time and energy on a marriage that is not God ordained and God Blessed.  I am ready to start building a legacy.

Live Unashamed

I'm unashamed about where I am.  It's the only way that I will be able to move forward.  Pretending things are perfect, that I have the perfect attitude, and that I'm a victim of society is not the way to go.  I don't have shame about where I am because I Think my honesty can help others just like it helped Pastor Christine who now ministers globally.

The best pastors I know are those that LIVE UNASHAMED.  

Change my stony heart and Revive us again!