Live from the Wilderness! Hard Truth #6 - Destroying the idol of success in my life

 I am an idol worshipper.

No I don't worship a Golden calf or a statue in my home but I worship the American Idol.  No, and not Kelly Clarkson.

I worship the American Idol of Success.

I am driven by accomplishment and success and I realized that was part of the reason I was so angry and bitter towards God.  I didn't understand why I do not have any of the trappings of success.  I don't have financial success and I don't have relationship success, and I WAS angry and bitter about it.

I have nothing that shows the world that: Yes I am a successful woman.  I have made something of my life.  I try to do what is right and still I have nothing.

No all I have is purpose, a mission to help others, and an outlet in which to do so.  I have fulfillment in what I do and I wake up knowing that I get to help people every day and I am doing it ON PURPOSE.

So why am I angry and bitter?

The Idol of Materialism and Worldly Success

I was angry and bitter because I worshipped the God of Materialism and Worldly Success and according to that church I have nothing.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well and be successful.  I feel like most people look at me and think "What is she doing with her life?"  "Why doesn't she have anything??" 

I still live at home, I don't have much of a social life, and I don't own anything all that fancy.  

Looking at my external circumstances I tend to get very discouraged.  I don't understand why I don't have more to show for my life at the age of 32.

Then I begin to think:  I have what's really important.

• A relationship with God.  Very strong faith
• A clear purpose
• A higher calling
• A career where I get to create community and touch lives
• A family

So why WAS I angry and bitter?

Because I thought I should have more to SHOW OFF to others.  I have been duped by the American Nightmare of Materialism and Worldly success.

Those things aren't what bring happiness and fulfillment.  Purpose driven lives are what brings happiness and fulfillment.  

All that happens with Materialism is that you end up needing more and more to feel satisfied and guess what:  You're NEVER satisfied!  Besides that ,worldly success often asks you to pay a price that is simply too high.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my calling, my purpose, and my mission for the good life.

Even as Christians we get lulled into thinking worldly success will help solve our problems.  Well as someone who went to a college that was STEEPED in materialism and worldly success, I learned that just because one has money doesn't exempt them from the problems and struggles of life.  In fact, materialism is often used to cover up the deep wounds of insecurity that people have.

You don't belong here?

I was in a fancy environment this week and it felt very familiar.  It felt like I was back in college because I felt like I didn't belong there. For a moment, I felt like I wasn't good enough to be there.  

I really began to think about my insecurities.  It's so true:  The Devil wants to make you believe whatever you THINK to be true about yourself.  It doesn't matter what environment I am in or what the situation is:  The Devil continually wants to make me believe I am not good enough and I do not deserve to be there.

I decided that I belong wherever God decides to place me.

Don't Envy them, Pray for them

This morning during the prayer challenge, God said:  Stop envying people and pray for them.  Then began a very interesting turn of events.  As the spirit led me in prayer, I began to realize that I should not envy others because I don't know WHAT is really going on behind the scene.   

At first I resisted and tried to pull my old schtick: God didn't say to do this.  You're just doing it to make yourself feel better, but then as I read that morning's instructions there was a signal in the book that I was supposed to embark upon this prayer.

NOTE:  Before when I resisted, it took me the whole day to be obedient.  This time it took literally 1 minute.  That sounds like growth to me!

I have asked God to work on my insides and cleanse me of my envy and he said as clear as day:  

Don't envy them, pray for them.

How many times have we watched E! True Hollywood story or Vh1 Behind the Music about celebrities who looked like they had it all but suffered in their own private Hell.  We think "Oh if I had all that money and looked like them...my life would be complete!"  Such lies.

I will never forget in college seeing a woman who is considered glamorous and what women should want to look like.  This poor woman had lots of issues and I remember us all coming away thinking that maybe we liked the way we looked after all.

So the big message: Don't envy them, pray for them

The Idol of Marriage

I'm going to discuss this more in the weekly update for the prayer challenge, but I've come to realize I treat marriage as an idol.  Part of the reason I want to be married is so that I can show people "See.  I'm okay.  I'm normal.  There's nothing wrong with me.  I have it ALL.  Career, marriage, trophy husband, picture perfect family.  I AM SUCCESSFUL"

There are several things wrong with this picture:

• I totally forget about the other person.  It's all about showing others how I AM SUCCESSFUL
• What if my husband isn't *gasp* perfect ?  
• What if he has a history that wasn't all that great before he gave his life to Christ?  
• What if there are messy issues?  What if I don't have a picture perfect story to tell people?
• Marriage will bring more problems than it solves

I started to think:  

• Am I going to get angry, resentful, and be ashamed of my husband because he doesn't have a picture perfect story for me to tell people?  
• Am I going to want to back out if things aren't perfect and less than ideal?  
• What about when trouble comes?  Am I going to be worried about the appearance of the marriage or my husband?

As much as I hate to admit it, I have fallen to worship the idol of marriage, and I really need to re-think that entire idea.

He who began a good work in me...

There is a LOT of work for me to do on the INSIDE of my life.  Luckily I am responsive to what God is doing, so this process is going much faster than if I spent most of the time in the pits and a little time listening to God.

The word from Sunday is still my daily prayer and ringing through my spirit:

Phil 1: 6

He who began a good work IN me will see it through to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

To God be the Glory