Pandemic Chronicles #21: When Life isn't like the Movies or TV....
In the year of our Lord 2020, I have developed an affinity for Hallmark Christmas Movies.
I used to think these movies were silly and ridiculous. I couldn't believe so many people enjoyed them. I still think they are silly and ridiculous but in this time of extreme uncertainty, there is something comforting about being able to figure out the plot line of a movie in the first 10 minutes and knowing how it will end.
These are heavy times and I am grateful for a place to get lost in fluff and silly romantic stories. I also think I'm ready to approach the subject of relationships again. I do appreciate that in these movies there's always some kind of obstacle for the couple to overcome and since there's no sex in these movies (A kiss halfway through the movie is considered risque) the people actually have to talk to one another instead of ripping each other's clothes off.
Here we are again...
Earlier this year I decided to abandon ship on my single journey.
I was frustrated and disappointed. I decided that I was putting too much energy into something that produced no results. I had enough. I took the ring off that I had worn since Cleansing Streams and proclaimed myself done with the whole thing.
Yet here we are again in December 2020 Fasting and Praying for my Future Husband but this time I'm doing it with other sisters in Christ. On the First Day of the Fast, I told our group that I considered dropping out before we even got started because this has been such an area of disappointment and failure.
After being so discouraged earlier this year, the last thing I wanted to do was to be disappointed and fail publicly.
If I do this publicly and risk publicly failure and disappointment, the question becomes:
Do I Trust God or my own public persona?
I'm putting my money where my mouth is
I trust God.
There's something different this time.
It doesn't feel like an act of desperation but a declaration of faith. I am also not begging God to bless my projections and narratives.
I'm suspicious and even curious about what's taking place in my life but I keep repeating to myself: "Let your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven and that I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and I won't rely on my understanding. We've had enough of that and it's sucked."
What if Falling in Love isn't like it is in movies and on TV?
Even though I think Hallmark Movies are silly and ridiculous, I think I like them in part because I love the hokey stories about people overcoming obstacles and then falling in love with these puppy dog gazes and goofy grins.
But what if that's not all there is to it?
I mean yeah I'm sure there will be puppy dog looks and goofy grins. 😊😍
But there may also be silly conversations with lots of laughs, revelations when we realize how much we have in common, curiosity about who each of us is and where we come from, talking about our dreams, goals, and hopes for the future.
That's so mundane and not very exciting so it wouldn't make for a very good movie.
Friendship is the Foundation
We all have friends who we love and appreciate and there's no romance involved. I would venture to guess that most of those lasting friendships started off the way I described above. Laughing, learning about one another, and realizing common bonds.
Lasting friendships normally do not begin by wanting to jump down the other person's pants which is how most romantic relationships begin. We mistake intense attraction and lust for love and romance.
We've been programmed by our culture to confuse love and lust.
In my 39 years on this planet, I have never experienced romantic love but I've watched a lot of movies and TV and I'm beginning to grow suspicious that romantic love isn't like it is on Movies and TV.
Friend-Zoned not so bad?
Being Friend-Zoned is seen as a bad thing in our culture but I think if you're in the friend zone then there is a better shot at being in a lasting loving romantic relationship should we choose to pursue that path.
Think about it: We respect our friends. We like them and we want the best for them. We also like to spend time with them. We don't just want to have sex with them. I think women miss out on great life partners because they don't realize they've got a gift right in front of them with someone they've "friend-zoned".
Instead, they're too busy running after "Mr. Knock my socks off but then we can't even have a decent conversation with our clothes on or I don't like anything about him except how he looks or his bank account."
I'm not advising women to try to make "Fetch" happen with every male friend because sometimes you're just supposed to be friends.
All I'm saying don't be so quick to dismiss someone into the "friend zone" At 39 what I find attractive is completely different than what I found attractive at 29 and I wish I had been smarter back then about what truly matters when talking about merging lives together.
I'm attracted to the intelligent guy who has diverse interests. The guy who can hold a conversation and is curious about what I'm doing and is secure enough in himself to cheer me on. I don't have to tone down my sparkle. I can show up as authentically me and he's there for it.
I am attracted to a man who has many dreams, plans, and goals. The man who desires to carry it out with excellence for the glory of God.
He has to be interesting...otherwise, I would die of boredom.
Do I think this is all possible?
Yes, I do.
The Only Way to end 2020
2020 has brought us:
- A Pandemic
- Sheltering in Place and confined to our homes
- Toilet Paper and Paper Towel Shortages
- A Hot Mess of a Presidential Election
- Murder Hornets
- Darkened and Orange Skies here in the Bay Area
The only way to end 2020 is for me to find my Life Partner. I think that would be yet another sign of the end of days and completely on-brand for 2020.
29 days and counting!!!
Let's Go!!
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