Fall 2017 Sprint: Daring Greatly.....to be vulnerable

I am currently reading Brene Brown's transformational book Daring Greatly which is about vulnerability.  

Vulnerability is a big issue for me.

I am so  used to feeling disappointment and feeling like I have to do everything myself that I just have a hard time with vulnerability.  I feel like vulnerability is the first step in being treated as a doormat and then having my life ruined.

This is not healthy for someone who wants to be a wife and Mama because that's all it is!  You're vulnerable.  Your spouse and children will see you at your lowest moments.  There's no pretending anymore.

So I think this is important for me to get it together.

Shame

A big theme of this book is shame.  Shame is why we don't want to be vulnerable.  If only people knew who we really were, then they wouldn't love us.  

I've thought of my own shame and why I haven't believed I am enough in the past.  Now that I think about it, it is all ridiculous but it's why I haven't progressed to where I need to be.  

I've made excuses about my upbringing, my background, and all sorts of reasons why I am not enough to have what I want and it made me feel shame.  I don't want people to know about any of it because if they did, then they may go off and leave.

Men and Shame

This has been a big eye opener for me and suddenly I can see clearly now.

So many men are feeling shame about not being enough because our society has placed impossible standards and expectations on them.  So men are supposed to make all the money, be supportive of our dreams and ambition, and still hunt with little to no resources?  This is impossible and so many men feel shame that they aren't able to fulfill these lofty expectations so they either get angry or they withdraw.

I also think many men say screw it and say, "Rather than figuring out why I feel so terrible about myself and being depressed, I'll just numb myself with alcohol, sex, drugs, or the gym.  

This is a real problem amongst men and we aren't talking about it in the context of why men are feeling so lost and aren't as productive as previous generations.  If you read any of the data, then you know men are dropping out of school and they aren't making a lot of money....and much of it is due to poor values and lack of direction that society is imposing on them and nobody is addressing it.

I've seen so many men that feel worthless and unworthy but they try to mask it by having children (that they don't take care of), going from one beautiful woman to another, getting caught up in illegal activity (to give the illusion that they are Big Ballers), or just giving up altogether and staying drunk, high, and laughing it off.

You know what?  Because all of this negativity, depression, and feeling unworthy many men do not deem themselves worthy of love so they self sabotage or they withdraw.  Plus many don't want to be vulnerable because they don't believe women can handle it.

This is some fascinating stuff and I really needed to read it.  Like many women of my generation, I've written a lot of the horrible "f" boy behavior off as men just be stupid, unworthy, and wasting my time but now I see it is shame and there is deeper pain. 

 It's made me a lot more compassionate and empathetic towards the male plight...for example when I was thinking about several of the men I've met over the years who carry deep shame about not being in their children's lives but not knowing how to approach it.  They were in real pain about it and threw them into the depths but they tried to mask it with other stuff.

All I can say is that I really need this!

In the Arena

So as everyone knows I am a huge Hunger Games fan.  It's one of my favorite analogies!! I love how Brene Brown describes being vulnerable as going in the Arena.  That makes me think of Katniss in the Arena sticking it to the Capitol.  So may I show up in the arena and may the odds be ever in my favor...and I'm sticking to my story that The Odds are Ever in my Favor.