First appeared over at Medium...This has some WORD dropped throughout the piece
Have you ever been on social media, saw something, and thought: Oh my goodness! I can’t believe I used to want that! What a trainwreck!! So glad I missed out on THAT!
Experts say that Fear of Missing out (FOMO) is one of the main reasons why people get depressed when they consume too much social media.
People feel like they’re missing out on all of the joy and excitement of life compared to what others are doing.
This past week I asked: “What is it called when you are RELIEVED that you missed out?
I learned the term: Joy of Missing Out
Friends, I want to tell you that there IS Joy in missing out on what is not right for you.
I want you to know that you CAN go through life hearing , “No” and it’s okay. It may even be a relief later on down the line.
I believe that God knows better than we do. Our ways are not his ways and our thoughts are not his thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8)
When you’re rejected….
Years and years ago I experienced a rejection that hurt my feelings pretty badly. To make matters worse the person said something to me that I never forgot. It was something said that on the surface I did not understand but on an unconscious level I understood at the time but I was so insecure that all I could focus on was the actual surface rejection.
His statement that stuck with me was: “You aren’t better than anyone else.”
At this time in my life I was highly insecure, first starting to see the manifestations of who I was to become as an adult, and my ego was extremely sensitive. That rejection haunted me for years and I wondered what was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I need to fix about myself?
Over the years I’ve learned that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am more than enough and I don’t need to fix myself for anyone else.
Well Speed up the Clock over 15 years later and I see something on Facebook that makes me think: OH MY GOD! WAS THAT THE BEST THING EVER TO GET REJECTED BY THAT GUY???!! YAAAASSS!!!
I felt joy. I felt like his statement to me at that time made all of the sense in the world.
I had missed out and it felt great.
Reframing Rejection and FOMO
In sales we are taught to divorce ourselves from the outcome.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t care if the person buys or not. It just means that we aren’t going to take it personally if the person does not buy. Maybe it is not a good time for them financially or we are not a good fit. We should not internalize their “No” as personal failure or moral judgement.
I think that’s where our internalizations of Rejection and Fear of Missing Out come from. We internalize a “No” as a personal failure or a moral judgment when that is not true. We believe we are missing out because we aren’t good enough or don’t deserve to do what others are doing.
We need to start reframing “rejection” and FOMO.
Every single time I have been REJECTED from something, I find out WHY later on down the line. A lot of times it wasn’t what I thought it was and it fell apart or it simply wasn’t right for me.
I used to suffer from FOMO terrible until I actually started doing what I THOUGHT was missing out on and realized I wasn’t missing ANYTHING. I’ve pledged to not say yes or accept invitations if my only reason for saying Yes is because I’m afraid of missing out. There needs to be a good reason and purpose behind my YES.
The Joys and Relief of Missing Out
I no longer sit around and analyze every single “No” to death.
If something comes along that I don’t get or it doesn’t work out, I say “Well that wasn’t for me. Something better will come along that IS right for me”.
When you no longer internalize a NO as a personal failure, moral judgment, or an indication that you need to fix yourself, then life is a lot more peaceful and you can spend your energy towards that which is right for you.
It is a RELIEF to not try to force or manipulate people or circumstances. I simply accept what is and move forward into what is right for my life. God has a way of having you just walk right into what is right without manipulation.
Tips for finding JOY in missing out
Don’t internalize a NO as a personal failure, moral judgement, or an indication that you need to fix yourself.
If someone or a situation is a “NO” and it should be a “NO” leave it alone. Don’t try to force or manipulate circumstances. I have learned that if I have to try and FORCE or manipulate my way into something, then it is not for me.
Play the Long Game: Often we want what we think is good for “Right Now”. I call this the Get By Option. We want what we want to get by for right now. We should be living our lives in the NOW and making our decisions towards what we want in the future. Play the long game. What may satisfy your desires “NOW” may not serve you well in the future.
God knows what I need NOW and 20 years from now. I would much rather wait on him than go for the struggle get by option.
Romans 10:11 Anyone who believes in him shall not be put to shame.
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