#Perspective Change

Oh don't you love when you get a word at the altar, you receive it, and you're just ready to float on up to heaven.  Nothing can touch you.

Then God says, "All right you and your big mouth said that things are going to be different.  Let's see if you are selling wolf tickets!"

Well yesterday I was so fired up about changing my perspective and not focusing on my failures that I was hashtagging #perspectivechange all over twitter and marveling over how I was choosing to look at situations differently.  I was so proud of myself.  I headed into my workout with renewed gusto and excitement.

Then I saw him:  Brother Bad News

Now to be fair, the guy himself isn't bad news. I think he is probably a very nice person.  Actually I know he is a nice person because he has not cursed me out or told me off about my behavior.

I call him Brother Bad News because I seem to lose all sense of reality when he comes around.  Actually what really happens is that my hormones overtake my good sense and it's just all bad news from there.

Brother Bad News represents a lot of things in my life: rejection, tired of being single, and not feeling good enough.

Last year I tried everything to prove that I was worth his time:  I tried to look cute, I tried to put it out there, and when that didn't work I bullied him.  Clearly I was unsuccessful.

Yesterday I saw him and those feelings started coming up, but then I did my self talk:  I do not need to prove anything to anybody.  The man that is supposed to be for me will be clear about his intentions and his pursuit of ME.  I do not need to chase anyone down or try to convince them I am worth their time.

To be safe, I also went to the opposite side of the room so that I would not be tempted to go and try to make something happen. I kept my eyes straight ahead and did not give into the temptation to try my old antics

Huge# PERSPECTIVE CHANGE

Afterward, I noticed something:  I did not feel rejected.  Last year I would have asked myself:  Why didn't he talk to me?  What could I have done to make him like me?  See you're just not good enough.

I didn't think that at all yesterday.  In fact, I burst out laughing when I thought of my ridiculous and shameless shenanigans of the previous years.  I didn't feel rejected.  I just thought "Oh well today was a definite improvement"

Actually I felt like a rock star after that incident yesterday. Hey I'm awesome and fabulous!  Even though I really like the way he looks and I thank God for this beautiful creation, him not being interested in me does not diminish my awesomeness nor does it mean that NOBODY will ever be interested in me.

The Confident Heart Bible Study really worked

Oh but you tried it

I realized 3 things yesterday

I am not falling for this trap again

I refuse to get drawn into this ridiculous game of feeling rejected and despondent.  I am just going to keep it moving.  Now I don't know that I will be able to talk to him or look at him too much because that's how things start to go off track, but I am not getting drawn into that mess again.

I am sticking to my guns about being pursued

This has never happened to me before.  No man that I was interested in has ever pursued me.  Ever.  Because of this, I felt rejected and unwanted.  I never have been the woman who is really popular with guys or had lots of boyfriends.  When that doesn't happen, you feel like something is wrong with you.  I spent a lot of time focusing on "what's wrong with me" when in reality I should have been focused on what's right about me and celebrating that.  

Someone will spot the awesomeness that is me and decide they can't live without all of the free entertainment, meal plans/ training, and adventure.  

Distractions

Distractions are the best way to get us off course and get sidetracked.  I was doing a lot of talk about changing my perspective.  Oh this delay is really anticipation and I am overcoming all of my fears, failures, troubles, and shame about being who I am and who I am not.

What better way to get my focus off of the progress that I am making than to remind me of my past poor behavior and failures?

Not doing it this time.

Things will be different

Pastor Patrick declared that at the altar on Sunday and I am receiving it.  Things are going to be different.

• I'm going to have thriving relationships with other people instead of spending my time trying to "fix" what is wrong with me.  I can't fix myself anyway.  Like Paul said: " God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses"  God's grace is sufficient for me to make it through.
• I'm going to stop comparing myself to others:  I try not to do this anyway because it is so counterproductive, but as I said in my blog post last week comparing your inner life with the surface level of others is pointless.
• I am tuning out criticisms of others.  People are free to have their own opinions and I'm free not to listen to them.
• I'm believing with EXPECTANCY and ANTICIPATION.  NOT DOOM AND GLOOM!!

To God be the Glory