Week 5 A Confident Heart Bible Study: #Iamnot

I AM NOT Going to Let Doubt eat me alive anymore.

What a week this has been.  Since I was going to initially write this blog post things have taken an interesting turn.

Feeling Condemned

At the beginning of this week, I wasn't doing so hot.   I was down in the pits thinking: 

• I am never going to change
• I'm always going to miss opportunities
• I don't have courage to get anything done
• I'm a failure in certain areas of my life and I don't see it getting better anytime soon.
• I may as well give it up because I don't have any faith so nothing will happen
• I just want things to happen so I made it all  up
• Just forget it!  It will be for others...not for me. I'm not a good enough Christian.
• I'm too scared to pray for what I really believe to be true.

Somewhere along the line I got tired.  I got tired of these same thoughts following me around.  I decided that I was going to live what I believe.

Making a Bold Statement in Prayer

One night in prayer this past week I made a very bold statement.  Right after I made it, I thought "Maybe I shouldn't have done that.  That's projecting." 

Then I thought about it and said "Maybe the problem is that I don't have faith to pray what I believe to be true.  I'm still intellectualizing it away.  So you know what?  I'm just going to roll with this and go with it until God says to stop."

Well what were the scriptures I was supposed to read One was Hebrews 4:16

Hebrews 4:15

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

I thought to myself, 

"Well you know what...I'm supposed to make bold statements in prayer.  These wishy washy prayers that offer a way out are not faith 

• Wellll Lord I just don't know 
• maybe if this happens 
• I'm praying for this but I don't really believe anything is going to happen so I will pray and expect disappointment.  

Many times as believers  we try to give ourselves a way out in case things don't work out we won't be embarrassed. How many times do we really take a stand on faith?  

I decided to try something I never did before.  I thought, "What would happen if I just acted like this was already a foregone conclusion and I just go with it.  I wonder what would happen."

What happened...

I really loved the chapter this week and how Renee said that Jesus saw beyond Peter's mistakes and still called him "ROCK" because he knew that is what he eventually would live up to.

In that same story Jesus assures Peter he is praying for his faith to remain strong because the Devil wanted to get ahold to him, but Jesus is not having it.  He is still doing the same today for you and me: interceding to the Father on our behalf.

Funny enough the night before I got to that part of the chapter, I read that story in my Read the Bible program and I prayed that God would see beyond my lack of faith and doubts to be who he has called me to be.  I also prayed this prayer for my 4th Quarter challenge.

Fail Forward

When Renee talked about failing forward, I thought about myself and my behavior that week.  I decided that this time I wasn't going to fail and lay down and mope about it.  I was going to FAIL FORWARD

This morning I took another step of CONFIDENCE: I prayed and asked God for confirmation of my bold statement what He's been saying during my prayer time.  I didn't even try to talk myself out of it.  I rolled with it.

Since I'm on a roll, I'm gonna make ANOTHER bold statement right now and I'm not taking it back.  I'm standing on it:

I got that confirmation.

You can even see in my journal where I wrote:  Yikes!!!

I thought "Was this all I had to do all along????"

I put it all in his hands

The choir sang one of my favorite songs today: All in His hands

I put it all in his hands. 

All of my burdens and his problems, and if I have a question.

Whatever the problem, I put it all in his hands

I know he can solve them it's a fact.

No matter how great or small...he's the master of them all.  

THIS AND THAT I PUT IT ALL IN HIS HANDS!!!

This is my anthem even when I fail, I'M FAILING FORWARD.  I put it all in his hands because when I fail now, I'm not going to wallow in it and let my doubts eat me alive. 

This sacred journey:  It's all in his hands.

To God be the Glory