Single Journey: Love is a Choice and an act of Liberation
After reading through the 5 Love Languages, the author Dr. Gary Chapman is explicit in his message that Love is a choice. It is not a feeling.
One of the concepts I really took away from this book is that the euphoric phase of "I'm in Love so play ALL the Celine Dion" is just that...a phase. I've never even experienced that feeling so I'm sure that's why I'm so cynical about the whole deal.
However I do think that being aware that the Celine Dion phase is only a phase that may last 2 years or less, is one way to be prepared for what comes next. As Gary Champan says in the book after that phase is over, then that's where TRUE LOVE can begin. That's when service begins and emotions are no longer the driving force.
As I said during the Husband project I realized that I was definitely not marriage material because I did not understand why one would do all of these things without getting in return but that's exactly what LOVE is supposed to do. Love is supposed to appreciate and serve without looking for something else in return.
This may sound like an obvious, "A-ha Moment" but it was eye opening for me. I didn't grow up in a home where I saw this happen so it's a foreign concept. When I was growing up, I was told that I was ungrateful but that was a standard talking point rather than based on a truth. I also learned that if someone gave you something or did something for you, then that gave them the right to treat you in any kind of way or maintain some control over you.
Eventually I learned that if I wanted something I would get it myself because people are not to be trusted. It's self preservation mindset to the fullest.
I think even as an adult I've gotten it into my head that I am not going to ask people to do anything for me because that's just the first step in them controlling you and getting you off course so I don't ask people for anything. I think it's better that I do it on my own and because that's how I operate, I think that's what others should do.
While I was doing this, I was wondering how many single people or those who were even thinking about marriage had ever read a book or done a course in Love Languages or how to communicate with a partner. There's plenty of material to teach people how to find a relationship but not a lot on teaching them how to keep it going and I suspect that it's because that's the hard part and it isn't as glamorous as signing up for match.com.
I have always found it poignant that Jesus said one of the greatest commands was to, "love your neighbor as you love yourself"
One of the concepts I really took away from this book is that the euphoric phase of "I'm in Love so play ALL the Celine Dion" is just that...a phase. I've never even experienced that feeling so I'm sure that's why I'm so cynical about the whole deal.
However I do think that being aware that the Celine Dion phase is only a phase that may last 2 years or less, is one way to be prepared for what comes next. As Gary Champan says in the book after that phase is over, then that's where TRUE LOVE can begin. That's when service begins and emotions are no longer the driving force.
As I said during the Husband project I realized that I was definitely not marriage material because I did not understand why one would do all of these things without getting in return but that's exactly what LOVE is supposed to do. Love is supposed to appreciate and serve without looking for something else in return.
This may sound like an obvious, "A-ha Moment" but it was eye opening for me. I didn't grow up in a home where I saw this happen so it's a foreign concept. When I was growing up, I was told that I was ungrateful but that was a standard talking point rather than based on a truth. I also learned that if someone gave you something or did something for you, then that gave them the right to treat you in any kind of way or maintain some control over you.
Eventually I learned that if I wanted something I would get it myself because people are not to be trusted. It's self preservation mindset to the fullest.
I think even as an adult I've gotten it into my head that I am not going to ask people to do anything for me because that's just the first step in them controlling you and getting you off course so I don't ask people for anything. I think it's better that I do it on my own and because that's how I operate, I think that's what others should do.
While I was doing this, I was wondering how many single people or those who were even thinking about marriage had ever read a book or done a course in Love Languages or how to communicate with a partner. There's plenty of material to teach people how to find a relationship but not a lot on teaching them how to keep it going and I suspect that it's because that's the hard part and it isn't as glamorous as signing up for match.com.
True Love Liberates
Earlier this year I wrote a Facebook status that said: True Love Liberates so start by loving yourself so that you're set free.
I have always found it poignant that Jesus said one of the greatest commands was to, "love your neighbor as you love yourself"
Most people do not love themselves so they aren't able to love anyone else the way they need to be loved and that's why they're on to the next one with a quickness. I do believe the only way to be liberated by love is to love yourself first.
However, it was comforting to read Dr. Chapman's quote that "True Love Liberates" because I believe true love does cause you to be authentic, unapologetic, and to be set free to be who you were created to be.
There's always a very big difference between couples who have a liberated love and those who don't. Liberated loves always go on to soar to higher heights and create true significance. Physically they even look better or just about the same as when they first were together.
Those who are not liberated are usually trapped in miserable imprisonments that take them on the way down and physically they look like it.
When I think about True Love being liberating, I think about the first liberation which is that of self and then the next liberation being that of love with another being liberating. Perhaps that is the next step for me. True love would help to liberate me fully from self preservation and this aversion to intimate relationships
What this all means for me...
I've been liberated on a personal level but I'm definitely not liberated when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I wouldn't say that I'm imprisoned but I'm definitely not open and free when it comes to that part of my life. I'm so focused on self preservation and concerned about my future that I am not free to love.
I've also seen the dangers of placing your time and energy into the wrong things and people so I am extremely leery of opening myself up to another.
So we've got some work to do and I understand that. It's all about Personal Development!! You will not get anywhere unless you learn and grow.
To God be the Glory
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