Daniel Fast: Call to Purity and The COVENANT
Hmph.
During this fast we've had some unexpected things come to the surface, Issues such as soul ties (which I believe are broken in Jesus' name) and last week I even forgave someone that I have had a grudge against for 15 years because he hurt my feelings. Tremendous progress!
Well then there's the Purity issue.
I read it and found myself agreeing with the majority of what was said. I did disagree about a number of things too but I generally go for the message of what is being said.
I am 33 years old and I am abstinent. It makes me feel like a freak, rejected, and unwanted. I don't want to be this anymore but I know that there is some reason that this has happened like this. I think there's some big testimony and story that is behind this. Perhaps that is why I am so easily distracted. I am ready to be married and stop being abstinent.
As I read this book, I began to honestly pour out what I was thinking before God. What if I never meet anyone? What if this is all a cruel joke and I will be one of those foreveralone women ready to go on Hoarders? I don't want this call. It isn't fair. Everyone else gets to have their cake and get married. What have I gotten? Nothing...that's what.
But herein lies the question of the hour: Do I trust God enough to obey even when I don't want to and it seems pointless?
Yes.
There's a purpose and plan behind all of this but I still wasn't ready to make a formal commitment like I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to.
This book is about making a covenant with your eyes before the Lord to not look upon others with lust, listen to sexual music, videos, movies, etc. I also thought there was a great point about women making a covenant not to use their eyes to compare themselves with other women.
During this fast we've had some unexpected things come to the surface, Issues such as soul ties (which I believe are broken in Jesus' name) and last week I even forgave someone that I have had a grudge against for 15 years because he hurt my feelings. Tremendous progress!
Well then there's the Purity issue.
Kissed the Girls
During the first few days of the fast, I picked up a book by Lisa Bevere that I got at Last year's women's conference entitled, "Kissed the Girls". It's all about sexual purity and how women lose when they give in.I read it and found myself agreeing with the majority of what was said. I did disagree about a number of things too but I generally go for the message of what is being said.
I am 33 years old and I am abstinent. It makes me feel like a freak, rejected, and unwanted. I don't want to be this anymore but I know that there is some reason that this has happened like this. I think there's some big testimony and story that is behind this. Perhaps that is why I am so easily distracted. I am ready to be married and stop being abstinent.
As I read this book, I began to honestly pour out what I was thinking before God. What if I never meet anyone? What if this is all a cruel joke and I will be one of those foreveralone women ready to go on Hoarders? I don't want this call. It isn't fair. Everyone else gets to have their cake and get married. What have I gotten? Nothing...that's what.
But herein lies the question of the hour: Do I trust God enough to obey even when I don't want to and it seems pointless?
Yes.
There's a purpose and plan behind all of this but I still wasn't ready to make a formal commitment like I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to.
Covenant with My Eyes
After finishing Kissed the Girls, I picked up another book in the queue. Covenant with my Eyes is a book by Bob Sorge who came to Shiloh Church last year. He is the gentleman with the vocal injury who is awaiting divine healing.
This book was about making a covenant with your eyes before the Lord. This covenant is rooted in Job 31:1
I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?
This book is about making a covenant with your eyes before the Lord to not look upon others with lust, listen to sexual music, videos, movies, etc. I also thought there was a great point about women making a covenant not to use their eyes to compare themselves with other women.
This vow seemed a little extreme for me but I did sense the Holy Spirit leading me to make a covenant but I didn't want to.
What was the big deal?
What is the big deal? I'm already abstinent. I do get distracted by lust and fantasies but why don't I want to make a formal covenant with the Lord regarding purity?
I wanted to leave the door open. I wanted to maintain that LAST bit of control that hey something might happen. I may meet my dream guy and who knows what can happen? Don't I deserve it? If I make a covenant, then that means I have to stick to it and there are no outs. I have to surrender all control to God no matter how long it takes. It could be another 5 years but because I have made a covenant and will stick with my commitment to obedience, it doesn't matter.
So I did it. I made a vow. Now I'm putting it on the internet. It's public record.
The Covenant
My covenant says that I will not allow anyone to touch me in a sexual manner until I am married. This vow says that I will not allow any sexual activity until I am married. Not engaged but married.
If someone is not willing to support this, then he isn't for me. I have prayed to God and asked that he send me someone who will lead me in this area. A man that can lead in an area that is SO counterculture and against the norm is a man that is worthy to be the head of my life, family, and a good father to my children.
So I guess this means all my silly fantasies go out the window. It's for real. Who knows? It could be another five years before I get married Who knows except for God. My job is to be obedient and not think that obedience means that I am going to get what I want. I'm obedient because I love God and want to serve him with my life even if it means denying myself and what I want.
To God be the Glory
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