Love Life Conference: Facing my fears (Literally)I got what it takes and I will do ir afraid

Late Post (Original date of Writing Sept 27)

I don't know how quite to describe where I am right now.  Tears keep coming to my eyes and streaming down my face here in the airport.

I went to St. Louis expecting to get the next piece of the puzzle, to give me some sort of clarity of what is going on, and  I was looking for some encouragement /confirmation

I am pleased tor report that I received all three.

The theme of the conference was Love Life:  Be Bold, Live Courageously, and Be Confident.  Throughout this weekend we talked about breaking up with fear, facing our fears head on, and doing it afraid.

Today was so powerful for several reasons.  I look forward to sharing pictures of this experience during the week.

Facing Your Fears

There was an exhibit where you walked through and literally saw your fears written in big letters on the wall.  I cried as I saw all of my biggest fears.  Fear of failure, fear of what otehrs think, being abandoned, being alone, feeling inadequate, what if I'm not good enough, and the big one:  REJECTION.  I faced them head on and acknowledged that those were my fears.  I cry even as I write this, but I am determined that even if I'm afraid I will do it away.

That was a pretty big moment for me.  

Even though I've come a long way in these past few months, those fears are still holding me back.  I keep saying "There's more".  I have let those fears rule me and I've stood in my own way because while I have made progress I have not been as BOLD as I could be because I am subconsciously allowing fear to win.

I faced my fear and I have been talking back to them.

Fear of Failure:  

Well even if I mess up I will learn something and God will work it to my good.  People who try will fail.  It is part of the process but people who try DO things"

Fear of what Others think:  

I will be judged and criticized either way it goes.  Anytime you DO something, you will face opposition.  It gives critics something to do.

Being Abandoned:  

I am never alone.  God is ALWAYS with me.  My hope and trust is in Him alone. This weekend I learned that true love = commitment.  I'm in it for the long haul.  That's my declaration and I take it seriously.  I will not abandon my assignment

Feeling Inadequate/What if I'm Not Good Enough 

Even though I had received some tremendous encouragment in this area before I left, I have started to tell myself this every day.  I am a   prize.  I am good enough.  I deserve to be pursued and being me is good enough.  I don't need to apologize for who and what I am. 

God has given me a big vision and dream for my life and instead of trying to blend in, I need to be bold and go. I don't need to shrink back to appease anyone

Rejection

I think rejection has kept me in bondage longer than anything else.  Because I fear rejection so much, I have put up great big walls around my life.  I don't want to let anyone in or let them in.  I don't even want to try meeting new people because I am so sure I will be rejected and they won't like me.  I even go after people who are CLEARLY not inteerested as if to confirm that I am a reject.

Well enough is enough.

I told myself that I have to TRY.  Even if nothing happens or it's not exactly what I imagined.  I have to try and give people a chance... While in Saint Louis I did just that and I am proud of myself for even giving it a chance.

Tis the Season for Declarations!

They had us write statements of courage and declarations on big white cards to take home with us.  This was my declaration:

I am going to see my vision come to pass and I will be who God has called me to be.  I will DO IT AFRAID!!!!!

That Bishop Garlington kicked declaration season off and I'm running with it.  How many times do we run around delcaring the negative?  I'm going to be forever alone.  I'm a reject.  Nobody likes me. Well what if we declared positive things.