Proverbs 31 OBS Why Her- Week 1: My biggest lesson on Comparison

Thrilled to be doing another Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study and this time we are talking about COMPARISON.  This is a major problem amongst women and with social media, it's an epidemic that leads to depression, anxiety, and poor self esteem.  

I believe that one of the reasons women are having such a hard time and are generally dissatisfied with their lives is because of all the comparing going on (especially on social media)

"Comparison is the thief of joy" - Teddy Roosevelt (I think)

One of my clients says that she always tries to remember this quote when she gets into the comparison trap.

Perfection in order to get you to buy something

I have a virtual business and one of the main things you learn in virtual marketing is that you need to portray yourself as a product of your product so that people will BUY what you are selling.  

You are encouraged to show the perfect life with the perfect makeup, perfect outfits, perfect relationships, perfect husband, perfect kids, and perfect body all to boot.  

Once your followers see all of this perfection, then they will be RACING in order to buy whatever it is you are selling!  

I hate to say this but the Christian marriage gurus are some of the worst offenders of this along with the fitness industry.

Of course celebrities have been doing this for years but now we have everyone doing it and the celebrities are bombarding you constantly with their "Get like me" posts if you just buy blah, blah, blah or watch x,y,z or listen to my music enough.

Here's the problem:  There is no such thing as perfect.

Better Yet than reminding yourself that it's okay not to be perfect

Remind yourself that there is no perfect

It's all a gimmick in order to get you to buy.  Now sure some have caught on and want to show you behind the curtain that it isn't all perfect but that's still part of the marketing gimmick.  They want you to compare yourself to them and want you to say: "I want what they have.  Let me sign up for this program that promises to give me that."

Now we all know it doesn't work like that because you really don't know the whole entire story (even with the transparency) but it's easy to get caught up in hat comparison trap.

Must be nice....

One of the exercises we are doing this week is a "Must Be Nice" exercise of all of the times and issues we say "Must Be Nice" about when we start comparing.  I'm in the Facebook Group for the study and I find it so refreshing that women are being honest about their must be nice moments.  None of this church answer business that we are just content with our portion.  People are sharing all kinds of "must be nice" moments and a lot of them have to do with money and relationships.

It's crazy because on social media these are the two areas that people like to brag about the most and people have continuously brought that up.

I know I have decided to become more aware of what I am sharing.  Am I sharing to boast and brag so people will be impressed or am I sharing because I am seeking validation and likes?  Why am I sharing this?

My biggest lesson on Comparison

Several years ago I was on the way down (in my eyes).  I had been unsuccessful at my management job, wasn't sure what I was going to do next...and I felt as if I had been cheated because this wasn't what my life was supposed to look like at this age.

Enter in the master of all comparisons about the area that I am most insecure about.

This comparison really made me angry.  I was upset about it for weeks after.  It was that moment of comparison that led me into the wilderness.  (I cover that on the blog: Wilderness 2014)  

Why was I so angry?

Why was I so discontent?

What was really going on here? 

Well come to find out a few years later that comparison was a complete waste of energy because it was all lies.  I was comparing myself to something that was all lies and didn't even exist!!  

I just shook my head.  How many of us are comparing ourselves to what we see, what other people say, and an image that could all be lies?!  

The Truth will set us free

I love this quote by Nicki because it's so true.  My biggest lesson on comparison helped me to realize that I don't need to compare myself to anyone.  I am right where I need to be in my life.  Nicki had a profound quote in Chapter 1 that I absolutely love:

"[Desperation] confuses what we want with what we think we deserve"

BOOM! I was so angry because I believed I had been cheated out of the life I thought should have been mine.  I shouldn't have to wait, struggle, and work for what I want.  I should just have it because I am checking some sort of made up boxes.  LIES FROM THE PIT OF HELL!  (That's that ole legalism teaching creeping in)

I don't deserve anything...and if I want a certain type of life then I need to go get it.  It's not just going to happen.  That is not faith and that is not truth.

The only one I need to compare and measure up to

The only person I need to compare myself to is who I was: Last month, Last week, Last Year, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, etc.  I need to compare my NOW with those old versions to make sure I am still seeking and growing.  I do not need to measure up to anyone except myself in order to celebrate my growth and learn the strategies that got me there!