Am I still a Feminist?

I know there's some stony heart transplant work going on because I've gotten receptive to teachings regarding women that I would have pooh poohed and bashed even 3 short years ago. 

I have publicly declared my stance as a feminist since I was a teenager because I completely rejected the idea that women cannot be leaders, teachers, and be all that they have chosen to be in life.  I rejected the teachings that the place for a woman was the kitchen and the bedroom.

I railed against the idea that women should only be limited to being wives and mothers.

I was incensed by the idea that educated and smart women should take a backseat to less than qualified men.

HOWEVER

Now that I am older and somewhat wiser...I see that my rigid views  have shaped my expectations for men (pretty low) and have helped to contribute to my cynical views towards male/female relationships

I think feminism has had a negative influence on male/female relationships because Feminism has:

• Encouraged men to drop the ball when it comes to being productive husbands and Fathers
• Encouraged women to believe that they can do it all...at the same time
• Encouraged women to believe they NEED to do it all because men cannot be trusted.

Feminism has encouraged men to drop the ball

More women are staying single longer than ever and I have heard from women across racial and income levels say that it is very hard to find a mature partner who wants to commit and build a family.  

Someone went as far to say that the men these days are "useless" and becoming obsolete. 

I don't know about "useless" but so many men these days are unproductive.  Getting married, building families, and legacies have taken a back seat to sleeping with as many women as possible, behaving like an adolescent into the late 30's and 40's, and expecting women to take care of them.

Because men don't feel as though they need to provide or protect women and their families these days ,they're not being trained to do so.  

That's why we see these teenaged 30 and 40 year old men.

Feminism encouraged us to believe that women can do it all...at the same time.

That is a lie.

Women can't do it all...at the same time.

There are times when being a wife and Mommy must take priority.  After that whole Husband Project fiasco, I realized that there may be times when I would have to give my husband more attention over whatever "thrilling and exciting" business project I have brewing on the horizon.

Hmmph.  Imagine that.

In the past I've criticized women who want to make their husbands their number one priority.  I just couldn't understand why you would let a man have that much control over your life.  What if things went horribly wrong and you were left to die on the vine???

Well, First of All we should not marry men who do not love us enough.  

We also should not marry men who want to be married and have a wife but do not want to be husbands or Fathers.

I have accepted the idea that there will be some times in my life where I will be called upon to be WIFE and MOTHER first.  I cannot do it all at the same time.

The Consequences of Trying to do it all at the same time  

Feminism has encouraged us to believe we can feed the pigs, slaughter them, bring home the bacon, fry it up, serve it to the family without it burning ALL AT THE SAME TIME.  In the process  of trying to do it ALL we stress ourselves out and make ourselves sick.

We also develop inferiority complexes that we are failures because we can't possibly do everything for everyone.  We see celebrity or Instagram mom who does it all...well those folks have assistants.  I remember one woman who is always bragging about owning her own business, traveling for work, writing books, and cooking her family homemade meals every night from scratch was called out when someone pointed out she had several assistants and Nannies to help her do all of it.

Feminism has led women to believe that they NEED to do it all

I have admitted that I am very focused on self preservation.  

Why is that?

Because I grew up with the reality that if I didn't do it for myself, then it wouldn't happen.  That thought of placing my future in someone else's hands TERRIFIES me.  

The thought of living a FAILED and RUINED life because I Trusted the wrong man with my future is enough to keep me single for the rest of my life.  I always think I wouldn't want to do that to another human being so maybe it's not worth it to get involved at all.

I have this real visceral fear of not trusting anyone else with my life because that's what marriage is...and because of that I feel like I NEED to do it all.

I can't let anyone else help me because they may ruin everything.

I know I am not the only one feeling like this because I've talked to other women and they feel like they NEED to do it all on their own because they CAN'T trust anyone else.  Either they've been hurt too many times and they aren't willing to risk it again or they're like me and have a fear of someone coming and ruining their lives so they need to do it all.

Men Cannot Be Trusted

I think many of us have this deep rooted mindset that men cannot be trusted.  As soon as they find a younger and prettier model, they will be out the door.

A lot of these messages are coming from popular media.  As I mentioned, extended male adolescence is now being celebrated as a rite of passage so women do not feel like they can trust men to be good husbands and fathers.

I also think lowered expectations for men has led to this idea that men cannot be trusted.  I've heard more than one woman say that men are all cheaters, liars, bad providers, and only out for self.  These types of poisonous messages don't just affect women they also affect men who do not believe they need to do better because they are expected to be losers.

As a consequence of not believing men can be trusted, we BELIEVE we need to do it all and we become hardened, cynical, and unbelieving that real true love based in service ACTUALLY exists.

This is not productive for male/female relationships

I asked myself this weekend if I would still be considered a feminist. 

•  I believe women should be all that they should be and not limited to only being wives and mothers.  
• I believe women can and should work outside of the home if they so desire.
• I believe women should be educated both formally and in the ways of the world

• I believe women should be paid equally if they do the same job as a man. 

• I believe women can be leaders in business, politics, education, etc.

• I believe in reproductive rights and I am pro women's health.  

• I believe women should leave abusive marriages and not stay stuck

So my views haven't changed that much.  I just now believe there's room for a man in there as well. A man who is committed to being a productive, functional, and effective husband and father.  He should be taught to lead, protect, and provide and Women should honor and acknowledge this.

We also should relinquish control and realize that we do not have to do it all.