My own Search for Sunday

As I write this El Nino is raining down on our drought stricken California land.   If you recall, I talked about how David kiteley of Shiloh Church in Oakland prophesied that this season would be a season where the heavens would open up and rain would fall down: Literal Rain and also the Rain of the Holy Spirit.

You will also recall how last year when Bishop Garlington preached his life changing sermon, "It's Time to Say Something" he made the congregations shout, "The Drought is over!" 3x at the end of his sermon.

Right on people!

I have my own little word this season which is that which has been barren will begin to bear fruit at this time.

Yep.

Before I would have gotten so caught up in what that meant, what it looked like, and how it was going to happen.  Now I do not worry about such things.  Now I just say, "The Lord will provide.  He is faithful."  I guess we will all find out when I start testifying on what it all meant.

I haven't written in a while because I'm in a weird place. I've stopped attending church regularly and I haven't been in nearly 3 months. I love Shiloh Church in Oakland...I really do.  I think they're a church that gets it.  They get that's it all bigger than their family, their social club, and their comfort.

I just need a break from the institutional church.

Searching for Sunday

A few weeks ago I finished reading Rachel Held Evan's book Searching for Sunday.  I thought it was a great read and we share many experiences.  We are the exact same age, grew up in evangelical Christian Churches (mine was far more fundamentalist and they even mention the denomination I grew up attending in the book), and have grown disillusioned with the modern day American Church.

After leaving my fundamentalist church, I ended up at a more "liberal" non denominational charismatic church.  It was liberal in the sense that they used instruments, you could dance in church, women could preach and pray, there was a choir, and it wasn't about BEING THE RIGHT CHURCH based upon some made up rules and prooftext copy and paste scriptures.  I ended up joining that church.  Looking back,  I wonder if it wasn't so much joining that church as much as it was making sure to close the door on the legalistic fundamentalist church of my upbringing.

It was there that I learned about a relationship with God and learned what faith was supposed to be.  It wasn't sitting bored to death on a pew every Sunday getting your check mark for "acts of worship". or pretending not to notice that we aren't being taught how to apply anything to our lives but none of that matters because we don't use mechanical instruments.  It was at that church that I learned Faith was about trusting God to do what you cannot do.  I had little to NO faith when I first started going.  I had never heard any stories in church about great miracles or seen any great examples of faith in church growing up.  Really my religious upbringing was one big lesson of: This is what NOT to do.

Five years in though I began to get uneasy.  I began to look around the church which had a transition and began to recognize some of the behavior.  When I first started attending, I tried to get involve because when you've been churched all of your life, that's what you do.  Church is what you do.  However I wasn't in that place anymore.  Church wasn't necessary for my social life anymore and I remember showing up to an event to volunteer feeling like it was absolutely pointless.  Why was I there?  I didn't feel needed or necessary.  So I stopped volunteering and I realized that these people had their own social groups and it wasn't something I was interested in so I shouldn't feel any guilt about not going.

I didn't formally leave or fall out with anyone.  I simply stopped showing up and nobody contacted me.   That's not an indictment on that church but it is revealing and confirmed my uneasy feelings had a real basis.  I have seen that story play out before and I realized that I don't need to be a part of it.  I began attending services at Shiloh Church in Oakland because I really liked their emphasis on the prophetic and I really appreciated their heritage of being involved in the civil rights movement and talking about social injustices.

Leaving Sunday

I had a serious conversation with myself earlier this year about why I continue to attend church. The main reason is because for most of my life I have rather than have not.  I will be honest with you:  At this point, I don't see myself ever formally joining an institutional church again.  I will support people's ministries and all but I cannot see myself as an active church member ever again.

I don't believe that's where the real ministry happens.  Can it be great for churched people like myself who were indoctrinated with religion their whole lives and then come to a church to find out what God and faith is all about?  Yes.  Can it be great for the unchurched who know NOTHING about God to get into a place that's structured and begins to teach them the Word and help them to build their face.  Absolutely.

But I don't know if church is the place real uncovering and awareness can begin.  I'm not interested in any more young adult social events where people try to make church as fun as hanging out with your friends as a nightclub.  If I want a nightclub, then I will go to a night club.  I don't want anymore shallow "young adult" groups for those who aren't married to get hooked up with a spouse or talk about shallow issues.  People bond over real experiences and church isn't the place to get real.  It makes the church people uncomfortable.  They want to talk in church speak and not address the real fears and issues that many may be struggling with.

So for now, I've left Sundays.  I still read faith books, participate in online bible studies, and have Quiet Time every day.  It's become less about church and more about what am I going to do to IMPACT this world?  God has given me a call (Isaiah 61) and am I just going to say it to the audience that is in the four walls of a church or do I want to take it to the streets because people's minds are being filled with such GARBAGE by our society.  Self loathing, Self hatred, Not enough, Everything is okay without consequence, etc.  What are we doing to reach people who may not fit the traditional church person model?  What are we teaching them about faith?  Faith is strengthened by hearing the right kind of stories and I want to tell my story to ALL types of people.

The Attitude I've seen with many churches is:  They can come be a part of our services and give money but They're not our kind of people so they can't really be in our religious social clubs???

I'm just not interested anymore in that scene and I don't feel pressured to be a part of it either.

When I was in college, the professor asked what was Jesus' greatest command.  I had no clue.  20 years born and raised in fundamentalist church and I had no clue.  I knew then that I could not stay in that type of environment.

I know now that I cannot be in an environment where we do not love our neighbors as we love ourselves.  At this moment I have stepped away from Sundays and determined to live out mission every day of the week. 

To God be the Glory