In Between Frustration and Being Fired Up

I am so totally confused that even I am puzzled.

I'm frustrated but I'm fired up

I'm angry that I'm not where I think I should be BUT I am at peace because I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be.  I am actually thankful and excited to be where I am but I don't want to be here.  Isn't this crazy?

It's crazy but it's completely honest.

No Fungus Among us

Yesterday I read a thoughtful post on Facebook by Rick Warren where he was praising Bishop Charles Blake (whose church I used to attend at one point when I was in college) for staying with the same church for 46 years.  Pastor Warren commented that many churches go downhill because leaders leave after a few years.  There's no commitment or long term vision.  It's all about how fast are we growing.  Well we know that real strong growth takes time.

Pastor Warren said a mushroom takes 6 days to grow.  A great oak takes 60 years.  This society is obsessed with quickness and FAST.  Everybody wants everything yesterday.  Well that's why we have a whole lot of mushroom relationships, churches, families, and organizations.  Everybody is into mushroom style growth.  Is there any wonder while there is so much fungus among us?  That's going in my book....lol

No Turning Back

I actually read that post while in my thoughts at the gym.  I was thinking about giving up and saying Forget it.  This is all so purposeless and frustrating forget it!  While I was thinking about giving up and telling myself that back in 2007/8 I gave up for about 6 months and vowed never again.  Well the very next song was Israel and New Breed singing, "I almost gave up. Thought I had enough...but you talked me out of it."  Message Received:  NO TURNING BACK.  Though none go with me still I will follow....No turning back.

Well that about summed it up.  I can't turn back now.  I've come too far and I just believe in the vision, the dream, and the power of God too much to simply give up because things are going so slowly.

Why am I frustrated?

I think I'm frustrated by a number of things.  This month marks my 34th birthday and I am so annoyed that so much hasn't changed in my life.  I feel trapped in so many ways.  I'm so ready to move forward.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to develop and lay the foundation for a movement and message for women but it's frustrating not being able to feel like I can move and be free, but the catch 22 is that I am free.  I have no job or husband weighing me down or holding me back.

I am also frustrated because there has been little to no encouragement in the dating story.  I know I know...I have more important things to work on and I told God that I would let him handle my affairs from now and I would shut my mouth, stand still, and watch.  Maybe I just want some encouragement...LOL.  Although last week on Facebook I complained about cornball guys who post naked videos trying to be sexy and how I think it's much better if you post videos about cornball subjects or current events.  Then someone on my Facebook friends list did actually post a video about current events and it was awesome.  I guess I'm just tired of not getting any encouragement about my situation but I thank God for not giving me no mushroom...LOL.  Anyhow maybe I should focus on my relationship with God and my messages than being so angry about all of this unseen and unknown stuff.

So I have been frustrated but thankful.  I don't know.  I think it's a battle of flesh vs spirit.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is week.

Why am I FIRED UP?

I went to visit some college classmates at Facebook Headquarters where they work.  I am so happy for them and I was so inspired by Facebook's commitment to innovation and not just playing by the rules.  The founder Mark Zuckerberg pretty much created his dream company.  He didn't know that he couldn't do it.  He had never had a job before and basically created his type of dream work environment.  It's almost like they thought of every single thing that may come up with what people would want with a great employer. From an awesome cafeteria to an on site ice cream shop.  They even had a doctor, dentist, and on site spa!  If that wasn't enough, there was a vending machine with your tech needs...

Well being at  Sheryl Sandberg's job and in the same building as her got me FIRED UP about what I want to do with my life.  I was fired up about not having to follow the rules and do it the same old boring way that everyone does things.  I got a whole bunch of awesome pictures from Facebook of the signs on their walls and I love the What Would You do if you weren't afraid?  sign.  I went home and reflected on all what I had seen.  It left me feeling fired up and hopeful about what is possible in the future

So there's that.

I get FIRED UP thinking about how many people need to hear the message of self enrichment, self empowerment, and positive body image.  I get FIRED UP thinking about how many people are letting stress ruin their health and their lives.  I get FIRED UP thinking about how so many trainers, preachers, and other religious wingnuts are leading the people astray with false teaching and how the spirit of God is upon me to teach people a different message and also to overcome by the word of my testimony.

Anyway I will continue to believe the vision that God has given me and not just go by my feelings of frustrations or being fired up.  Emotionalism is not enough to get anything accomplished.  In fact it's horrible for getting anything done.  People get worked up into a frenzy and they're so drained that they don't get anything else done.  

So Frustration and Fired up.  Two sides of the same coin.  I expect God to do SOMETHING.

To God Be The Glory