It's enough: Do Nothing out of Selfish Ambition

Last Weekend Was Valentine''s Day Weekend.

I was single.  
Of Course.
Again.

But really I wasn't all that bothered.  Of course I did have those moments when I wished someone would acknowledge me.  Yeah I did feel a little twinge looking at the Facebook/Instagram posts of friends getting their gifts and such but it was a moment.  It's fine. That's not what it's all about anyway.

But I did something for myself this past weekend.  I went to see this fantastic documentary about the origins of the Women's Rights movement called, "She's beautiful when she's angry"

Past Goals of Marriage

As the documentary showed, back in the day marriage was the way a woman was viewed as successful or not.  Of course who you married was what was most important.  For many women things fell flat after that.  Being married, having kids, and forming your identity solely upon whom you married was not enough and thus gave birth to women's lib.

Now to me that sounds totally like selfish ambition.  The man's ambition was to have someone to take care of him and the woman's ambition was to form her identity at the expense of someone else.

All bad.

Do Nothing Out of Selfish Ambition

Well on Sunday the sermon was about marriage and not doing things out of selfish ambition but putting others interest ahead of your own.  It was such an encouraging sermon for people who desire to be married.

I was all about the selfish ambition.  I ask God to change my heart and help me to not be so concerned about myself but be concerned with the interests of others.

I don't know if that sermon sparked this or not but I'm thinking about my shameful behavior regarding that guy that I kept bothering. Talk about selfish ambition. All I cared about was myself and my hormones.  My behavior was the worst.  I feel terrible and I have yet to apologize but I've determined that if I ever see him again I will do so because I'm truly sorry for how I acted.

I think 80% was hormone driven because I don't know if I mentioned it but this man fit every single physical attractiveness mark on my checklist.  Yes he did.  Fix it Jesus.  It was 80% hormone driven but I truly do think 20% was because I saw something in him that was super special.  Something that made me sit up and take notice.  It wasn't just his bald head and the way his skin tone was perfect milk chocolate...ok Fix it Jesus! No it just wasn't that...it was something else.  

Well anyway I think that came to my rememberance because that was a perfect example of why Selfish Ambition leads to ruin.  I will do better this year.  

It's Enough

I have thought to myself that the problem is that I need more.  I need more money, I need more stimulus, I need more people, I need more, more, more.  But no I don't.  That's the point of this fast from spending unnecessarily.  You don't know how often I walk past a store and think about buying something because I'm bored and want to do SOMETHING....but I stop myself because I know God has given me enough to work with.  Instead of chasing him, I wanted to chase the more.  It's not the more.

He has given me enough to accomplish what I am supposed to do in this season of my life.  Yes my feelings tell me that I am restless and bored at work, but my spirit says that I'm on assignment here and that it's enough until I've done what God wants me to do.  Sure I don't have all the extra money to do "stuff" right now but maybe all that "stuff " is just a distraction.  I wouldn't be using this time to lay the foundation for what God has for me to do next.  My next assignment.

Don't despise the small beginnings.  This learning to give when I have NOTHING and to exist with little is all apart of the purpose.  It's enough.  You've got to learn to depend on God for everything when it's small because how will you trust his faithfulness for the big things.

My God is more than enough!  Jehovah Jireh!!! He is my God.

P.S.  I asked God to bless Mr. Excitement because I figured that was the least I could do considering the way I acted.