Week 4 Limitless Life Bible Study: A Father's Day Call: Thank you Pastor Derwin

In last week's reading for our Limitless Life Bible Study, Pastor Derwin shared how he reached out to his father and began the reconcilliation process.

While reading that chapter felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me that I needed to reach out to my own Father and call him on Father's Day.  Actually last year I felt the same nudging but did not obey the Holy Spirit telling me to call him because I was still feeling justified in my hurt.  Besides that I didn't want to deal with the situation. I just buried it in the deep recesses of my mind and kept moving.

As I have begun to grow on this journey, I have realized that my Father's absence from my life has affected me more than I realize.  The reason I refuse to open up my heart and be vulnerable with people (especially men) is because of that dysfunctional and missing relationship with my Dad.  I'm sure that people will leave and abandon me for one reason or another.  I don't let people (especially men) in and don't allow them to get in too close.  I'm convinced that they will let me down and disappoint me.

This type of thinking won't work too well for someone who wants to be married and have a family.  This type of thinking also doesn't work for someone who wants to be used by God to live out her purpose and calls herself a follower of Christ.

Tackling Unforgiveness

As we are marching towards the Promised Land, God continues to uncover those black marks on my heart.  This year I have  seen him reveal bitterness, envy, and anger.  Now it is time to tackle unforgiveness.

As Pastor Derwin shared Unforgiveness is a prison.  Being so angry and unforgiving towards my Dad was imprisoning me.  I can't open my heart to relationships with men or other people because of my unforgiveness towards and thinking that everyone is out to hurt me.

Unforgiveness also imprisons us by making us bitter and not allowing us to move on.  I am watching as bitterness and unforgiveness destroys lives and I don't want that to be my story.  Unforgiveness turns into bitterness and eventually settles into misery.  When you're unforgiving, bitter, and miserable it is impossible to move on with life.  You spend your time wallowing in the mire of the past and talking about everything the people did to hurt you.  You spend your time blaming others for your misery instead of taking your issues to God and letting him deal with it and transforming your life.

Unforgiveness also prevents us from giving and receiving love.  Having and unforgiving spirit leads to be suspicious towards everyone and always expecting the worst of people.  Love expects the best of people.  You can't be loving and unforgiving at the same time.

I know that I no longer want to live in the prison of unforgiveness.

Father's Day Call

After rationalizing and reasoning for most of the day, I finally made up mind on Father's Day evening that I was going to call my Dad for Father's Day for the first time ever.

Well I called twice and got no answer but I was determined to wish him Happy Father's Day.  I finally got a hold of him on Monday morning and I wished him Happy Father's Day.  I could tell he was surprised I called.

I told him about what I was doing in my life and I told him about my upcoming fitness competition.  He was excited and wanted to travel to LA to come watch, but I told him that I am not allowing anyone to come to the first one because I was too nervous.  I will show him the pictures  I should add that he was the FIRST and ONLY family member to be supportive of my competition endeavor.  That did make me feel good.

He repeatedly told me he was proud of me and can I be honest?  That made me feel good.  It made me feel good to have some type of affirmation.  It solidifies my belief that young women need that affirmation from their Fathers that they are good enough because otherwise they will go out trying to find it in other ways.  We always hear about girls trying to find affirmation and validation in other men, but that's not always true.   I tried to find affirmation and validation through accomplishment.

Moving Forward

It is time to move forward.  There are a lot of wounds from the past, but as I am learning on this sacred journey everyone has a story and our job isn't to judge, condemn, and hand out punishments but to extend grace and merck.

I have thought about how it must hurt my Dad to have missed out all of the big moments of his children's lives and not be the Father that he wanted to be.  For years I have been so consumed with my own hurts and what I didn't have and had to do that I didn't think about what he must be feeling.  As I start thinking about having my own kids, I think about how hurt I would be if I missed seeing them grow up.  

I am going to write about this in another blog post, but can I share that after that phone call more mindsets and perspectives began to change and shift.

As Wendy Blight said in our last study, Blessings follow obedience.

Thank you Pastor Derwin for sharing your story about your Father because your transparency convicted me to begin moving forward in my own journey of healing and reconciliation.

To God be the Glory