Week 5: Settling for a Life of Selfishness
After reading Chapter 9 about how to Love on your Family, this was my thought.
"This seems like a lot of work. I don't know many families like Karen's that are functioning. They aren't perfect but they are functioning. Growing up I didn't know many functional families. Now that I am older those same people are repeating cycles of dysfunction and I made a vow to myself that would never be my life. I have always said that I would rather pass than INTENTIONALLY start a dysfunctional family because I didn't want to be alone."
I have always been adamant that I would rather be alone than to intentionally start a dysfunctional family. I don't want to ruin anybody else's life and I don't want someone else to ruin my life. I don't want to bring children into a situation that is unhealthy, toxic, and unloving. It's not worth it to me to set another human up for failure in life because I was so selfish and didn't want to be alone.
However
I thought about my initial thoughts after reading Chapter 9.
The truth is: I would rather settle for a life of selfishness where my life was all about me and what I wanted than run the risk of having a dysfunctional family and have everyone's life ruined. This isn't coming from nowhere. This is what I have seen throughout my life.
But here's the thing: What if that doesn't happen?
What if I intentionally start a loving family?
What if I take the time to properly love on my family as Karen teaches in the book?
What if I am consciously aware of my actions as a wife and mother?
What if I took on these roles because I really wanted them and not because I was afraid of being alone?
What if it's not a burden and the most rewarding thing I will ever do?
Geneen Roth says that we settle because we feel that we don't feel that we can have what we want. We settle because we don't believe what we want is possible.
That is my story. I am willing to settle for a life of selfishness because I don't believe that a functional family is possible, I saw so few growing up and even now I'm watching the cycles repeat: Broken families, miserable people, financially unstable, etc.
It was never the life I wanted.
Now that I am older and some realities are staring me in the face, I realize that I don't want to settle for a life of selfishness either. I do think it's just as selfish to intentionally start a dysfunctional family because you are afraid to be alone or because of your own ambitions. That's just the norm so nobody speaks out against it.
We live in a culture of selfishness and self centeredness. People like to get into relationships for no other reason than to have something to brag about on social media. It's all selfish, superficial, and shallow. I notice this happening a lot amongst the 30+ crowd because they want people to know there's nothing wrong with them and they too can be chosen. Never mind if it's functioning or actually going anywhere. They can show their flowers off for the 'Gram.
Sidebar: You know what's funny? I never hear these types talking about the character or inner lives of "bae". It's just always some dumb and immature nonsense.
ANYWAY
This Bible study has made me confront some of those deep down thoughts that sound terrible but are things that I think about.
This much I know is true: I don't want to settle for a life of selfishness.
Settling is still Settling.
I am Team Never Settle
"This seems like a lot of work. I don't know many families like Karen's that are functioning. They aren't perfect but they are functioning. Growing up I didn't know many functional families. Now that I am older those same people are repeating cycles of dysfunction and I made a vow to myself that would never be my life. I have always said that I would rather pass than INTENTIONALLY start a dysfunctional family because I didn't want to be alone."
I have always been adamant that I would rather be alone than to intentionally start a dysfunctional family. I don't want to ruin anybody else's life and I don't want someone else to ruin my life. I don't want to bring children into a situation that is unhealthy, toxic, and unloving. It's not worth it to me to set another human up for failure in life because I was so selfish and didn't want to be alone.
However
I thought about my initial thoughts after reading Chapter 9.
The truth is: I would rather settle for a life of selfishness where my life was all about me and what I wanted than run the risk of having a dysfunctional family and have everyone's life ruined. This isn't coming from nowhere. This is what I have seen throughout my life.
But here's the thing: What if that doesn't happen?
What if I intentionally start a loving family?
What if I take the time to properly love on my family as Karen teaches in the book?
What if I am consciously aware of my actions as a wife and mother?
What if I took on these roles because I really wanted them and not because I was afraid of being alone?
What if it's not a burden and the most rewarding thing I will ever do?
Geneen Roth says that we settle because we feel that we don't feel that we can have what we want. We settle because we don't believe what we want is possible.
That is my story. I am willing to settle for a life of selfishness because I don't believe that a functional family is possible, I saw so few growing up and even now I'm watching the cycles repeat: Broken families, miserable people, financially unstable, etc.
It was never the life I wanted.
Now that I am older and some realities are staring me in the face, I realize that I don't want to settle for a life of selfishness either. I do think it's just as selfish to intentionally start a dysfunctional family because you are afraid to be alone or because of your own ambitions. That's just the norm so nobody speaks out against it.
We live in a culture of selfishness and self centeredness. People like to get into relationships for no other reason than to have something to brag about on social media. It's all selfish, superficial, and shallow. I notice this happening a lot amongst the 30+ crowd because they want people to know there's nothing wrong with them and they too can be chosen. Never mind if it's functioning or actually going anywhere. They can show their flowers off for the 'Gram.
Sidebar: You know what's funny? I never hear these types talking about the character or inner lives of "bae". It's just always some dumb and immature nonsense.
ANYWAY
This Bible study has made me confront some of those deep down thoughts that sound terrible but are things that I think about.
This much I know is true: I don't want to settle for a life of selfishness.
Settling is still Settling.
I am Team Never Settle
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